Favorite wise@ss sayings

[svandamme]

actual reply by me to the new country manager's yap mail with propaganda regarding his plans...and "accomplishments"..basically a toot his own horn mail he sent out weekly and has nothing to do with me as a tech.. country is sales and marketing... tech is not under his lead...

he sent it out on a saturday morning
and i read it with a hangover

me :

" so , could you explain to me what points 1 - 7 on your email are, cause they don't make sense ot me , seriously , i have no clue what it means, or how it relates to my job "

his reply

"your in that office, it's in my country, so i think that interests you"

my reply to that:

"what you think interests me , and what really interests me , those are two different things , i still don't know what you are trying to communicate to me in that email, and btw, your email signature does is confusing as well"

(don't want to spell out that signature thing, i don't want to specify what company and such , don't want to upset legal)


monday after that i got called in the bosses office, weasel had tried to get me ousted, my boss : "he went all the way up and it came all the way down to me"
but i wasn't in his organisation (support is not under country)

he did follow up with a reign of very poor PC , bullying folks out, mis use of company property,... stuff like that, untill he was "removed"

to this day , i was the only wise ass to push that far, and come away clean

[techweenie]

"Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill."

[Howard Agency]

"A humble man, with much to be humble about."

[oldE]

A number of years ago, we had a VP HRD who was probably responsible for most of the problems we had with our union people. She once referred to labor negotiations as "That dog and pony show".
One year, after the new contract was signed, I requested a copy of the new collective agreement, (I was a middle level manager). I received an envelope with the first and last pages of the CA and 30 blank pages in between. Big help.
A few days later, her #2 sent out a copy of the CA with a cover sheet which had the heading " From the desk of..."
I photocopied the header, got a friend's puppy to chew a piece of pine and glued it to the letterhead. When I 'returned it' to her office, I enclosed a note which said," I have no idea why you sent this to me, but perhaps you could mend the toothmarks and use it to repair your desk."
She never spoke to me again and was replaced within the year!
Les

[wcc]

If I wanted any lip out of you I'd rattle my zipper

You couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag

Not really a wise a$$ saying but one I like:
"Now we're diggin' where the worms are."

[bigchillcar]

perspective...

monica: "oh mr. president..i love you.."
clinton: "oh monica..i love..what you're doin'.."
ryan

[nineoneone]

if I want any crap out of you , i'll squeeze your head!!
i don't like to win all the time, but I hate to lose!!!
rained so hard at my house, i shot up into a squarrels nest and killed 6 catfish!!
That's when I stabbed her in the forehead with the ice pick, your Honor.

[kqw]

He's/She's NEVER Wrong but, Seldom right"

[RANDY P]

salesman insult.

You couldn't close the front door!

rjp

[bigchillcar]

"if i had a face like yours, i'd shave my butt and teach myself to walk backwards.."
ryan

[sammyg2]

This is my favorite to deal with people who spend way too much time worrying about what everyone else is doing:

"Didn't you get the memo? (or fax, or e-mail)....
Then it must not have been any of your darned business. "

[Acox914]

"Im just a pimple on the butt of life"

[JeremyD]

On the bathroom wall above the urinals -

Why you looking up here? the joke is in your hands!

[axl911]

Can't believe no one posted this:

"Here's a quarter. Go call someone who gives a damm."

[cantdrv55]

Yo mama!

[dafischer]

You couldn't get a clue even if someone drove you to the clue store and gave you the money.

[ChrisBennet]

"They would have to improve to just suck."

[Howard Agency]

Your village called; their idiot is missing...

[bigchillcar]

Your village called; their idiot is missing...

good one, howard..
ryan

[Superman]

He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

That's like putting lipstick on a pig. It pisses the pig off, and doesn't make her pretty.