How should I handle my college aged stepson in this situation?

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by Dueller

I know his little game and his wings need to be clipped ASAP.

All I can do at this point is let him know I know he's playing everybody, wait for his grades and deal with it then.

As I said he may just be testing his boundaries and unfortunately mom, dad and grandma are not doing a good job of setting up those... hopefully you can.

I know at that age I would take as much rope as as any adult would give me.

[tabs]

HMMM Notice Dueller didn't acknowledge what I said? He acknowledged Noahs comments...did I strike where the heart is? That also tells me something...

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by tabs

HMMM Notice Dueller didn't acknowledge what I said? He acknowledged Noahs comments...did I strike where the heart is? That also tells me something...

Tabby, tabby, tabbby...I've acknowledged your input repeatedly in this thread...although I did find the Cicero quote a bit obtuse.

I thought I did acknowledge that he was manipulating everyone. As far as suggesting alternative career paths, when I'm done I'm done. Let the lil fker figure it out for himself since he's so smart.

The 15 hr/gpa thing...not hung upon that as much as I'm disappointed he didn't even make the effort to catch up before dropping the class.

In the future I will try to validate your comments since my approval is so important to you.



I did have an exchange with mamaw today:

Mamaw: "Did you know adam got three parking tickets?"

me: "Yup."

Mamaw: "Why didn't you tell me?"

me: "Figured that was Adam's call. They're his problem as his mom and I see it."

Mamaw: "...." ---blank stare

[williecoyote]

Dueller, sorry, I re- read the first page of this thread, and I somehow missed where he had a lackluster senior year. Maybe Tabs nailed him correctly as a scam artist.
Some schools won't let freshmen exceed 16 semester hours, but 12 is the bare minimum to maintain full time status. He can't look himself in the eye, and say he's killing it. Hell, 10hrs. and 40min. of actual class per week........that's a good night's sleep any Friday or Saturday.
I don't think I would have given him a whole year to prove himself. One semester at a time should be plenty. Time for a reality check. Tell him this weekend that since he breached the contract, all bets are off. Unless of course he pulls down a 3.5 this semester. Which shouldn't be a problem considering the light load he is carrying.

[Seahawk]

I've read this thread, contributed, and am now out of patience: Work with your wife, put a plan together and make it work.

The only reason I'm sitting here typing this as a relatively successful person is that my parents were united in the prescription that made me better. A divided house will fall, children and all.

Talk to your wife, decide on a path and stick to it...stepson or not.

What I would do? I'd take the young man in hand, in a nice way, and explain what his mother and I expect. I would then not waiver. I would also let him back in when he is ready...the door should always be open, on your terms.

[sewell94]

Man you guys on this board are harsh. yes most have you have lived alot more life than i have, but adjusting to college is tough. College today is alot different than it was even 10 years ago, i'm 27, already have a degree but went back this semester and it's different, it used to be you went to class, did what they told you in class, and your good. When i was a freshman, i slid through all my classes with a 3.5. But today i can't slid, each of my classes have a website(black board) that i have to go to and do what is need on that along with the class work, they have timed quizes, more notes, and other assignments stuff that i have to do online. Colleges used to say that for every 1hr of class time you should spend 3 hrs outside of class, which i always laughed at, but now its true, they've found way to make student spend that extra time ouside of class.

I understand that most of you say man if i would have busted my ass alittle more i could have done this or that, don't get me wrong its great advice to bust your ass while your young, but its simple this kid has to learn that on his own, but out of the ones of you who went to college how many of you say that they weren't the best years of your life, theres more to college than just college, obv Dueller kid has some growing up to do, well thats what college is there for. I know for me, the drinking and the girls was something that needed to be done, i'm glad i did it and got it out of my system then. But I worked and payed my way through college, and my goal is to get my future kids though college w/o them having to work. Looking back i would have liked to have more of fun side of college. Maybe thats why paying my kids way through college is something i want to do.

I do think he should have to pay the tickets himself, get a temparory job, do some side work, sell some of his stuff, something, where he takes responsibility for it. But on the other hand my grandma/grandpa took care of few parking tickets for me in college

Dueller looing at you/his email from him, it looks like you have a good relationship with the kid, don't ruin it over him being a normal college kid. IMO he does need a good kick in the pants, but don't kick so hard that it leaves a scar, a nice bruise will do the job.

[LakeCleElum]

I used to take 17 and 18 hrs, work 40 hrs a week and still had a 3.8 for my last 2 yrs.........Nobody paid a dime of my expenses.......

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by sewell94

Man you guys on this board are harsh. yes most have you have lived alot more life than i have, but adjusting to college is tough. College today is alot different than it was even 10 years ago, i'm 27, already have a degree but went back this semester and it's different, it used to be you went to class, did what they told you in class, and your good. When i was a freshman, i slid through all my classes with a 3.5. But today i can't slid, each of my classes have a website(black board) that i have to go to and do what is need on that along with the class work, they have timed quizes, more notes, and other assignments stuff that i have to do online. Colleges used to say that for every 1hr of class time you should spend 3 hrs outside of class, which i always laughed at, but now its true, they've found way to make student spend that extra time ouside of class.

I understand that most of you say man if i would have busted my ass alittle more i could have done this or that, don't get me wrong its great advice to bust your ass while your young, but its simple this kid has to learn that on his own, but out of the ones of you who went to college how many of you say that they weren't the best years of your life, theres more to college than just college, obv Dueller kid has some growing up to do, well thats what college is there for. I know for me, the drinking and the girls was something that needed to be done, i'm glad i did it and got it out of my system then. But I worked and payed my way through college, and my goal is to get my future kids though college w/o them having to work. Looking back i would have liked to have more of fun side of college. Maybe thats why paying my kids way through college is something i want to do.

I do think he should have to pay the tickets himself, get a temparory job, do some side work, sell some of his stuff, something, where he takes responsibility for it. But on the other hand my grandma/grandpa took care of few parking tickets for me in college

Dueller looing at you/his email from him, it looks like you have a good relationship with the kid, don't ruin it over him being a normal college kid. IMO he does need a good kick in the pants, but don't kick so hard that it leaves a scar, a nice bruise will do the job.

I think you've got an excellent "handle" on things. However, don't kid yourself into thinking that college is any "harder" than it used to be, or that "life" gets any easier later on. I had some of the best times of my life in college (and wouldn't trade those memories for anything), but also learned to prepare for the "real world" which awaits. I'm betting that Dueller has enough BTDT experiences to prod the kid in the right direction if a college degree is indeed what he's after. I've also seen some that simply partied their way through 2-3 years of college (or until they flunked out) on someone else's dime...that's nuts also and doesn't do anyone any good.

[Dueller]

Well, he came home this weekend. Very pleasant visit at the outset. He was excited and shared all of his new experiences about college. We enjoyed hearing of his exploits about adjusting to college life.

He's soooooooo smart...that is until he casually mentioned that he just had so much free time on his hands. BAM!!!! His mother's opportunity to lower the boom. Come to Jesus time.

Mom did not go nuts...no screaming, no shouting , no drama. Just a very serious discussion about what was expected of him for her continued financial support. That she would make whatever sacrifice to help him get an education if that was what he wanted but that she wasn't paying for a party. That if he wanted to play at this life stage that was fine, but don't waste her money with tuition and books and dorm fees.

Then it was my turn and he got my spiel on what a joke 12 hrs was given his admission that he had so much free time on his hands. We ended it with discussing the similarities with his senior year in HS and what he was doing now...a disturbing pattern.

He had already taken care of paying the campus parking tickets. He asked me to appear with him on the speeding fines saying that he knew he would have to pay them himself and suffer the consequences.

Mom made it clear that she loved him dearly but if he didn't show her he was serious she was done. Whatever arrangement he might make with dad or mamaw was of no concern to us...we had our own game plan. That dad/mamaw don't communicate with us and he has an opportunity to play them...but not us. We're not going to throw him under the bus with them...he needs to tell them what's going on if he so chooses but we're not ging to be his messengers. He knows she's serious and won't back pedal.

And then we went m'cycle riding.

Mid term grades come out October 5....time will tell.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by Dueller

...Mom made it clear that she loved him dearly but if he didn't show her he was serious she was done. Whatever arrangement he might make with dad or mamaw was of no concern to us...we had our own game plan....

As Barney Fife would have said "nip it in the bud"...sounds as if mom has already

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Good, sounds like it's being handled in an adult manner and at least it's amicable for now.

Of course the real question is whether or not he'll go running to grandma to bail him out. That'll be the telling factor as to whether he's going to "man up" about this or be a snake.

[Dueller]

Well, the little fokker showed us. Grades are in. 3.25 gpa at Ole Miss for his first semester at the top party school in the nation.

[legion]

Hopefully he can keep it up with a full 15-hour load next semester.

I took 16 hours my first semester. Got a 3.25 as well. It was the lowest GPA I ever got in college.

IMO, you have to decide if you are at college to party or to study. Everyone pretty much makes that decision their first semester. This is a very good sign.

[williecoyote]

I would say that's nothing to be ashamed of! There is hope for the boy after all.
Now tell him that you will invest in one more semester.

[MRM]

Ol Miss can only aspire to be the party school that UW Madison is. I don't know how any undergraduate makes it through there the first time around.

[tabs]

PPBBBBTTTT...Party School....LOL.....Madison and ole Misss...U gotta be kiddin. Try UCSB....for debauchery. Think blued eyed, blond haired CA beach bunnies in bikinis on the beach....everywhere you looked.

It seemed that every weekend the latests rock band on tour would come up and give a show on campus. The deal was that the promoter (Pacific Presentations) would pay all expenses out of the shows in LA and make his money on the show at UCSB. Every year the Grateful Dead would make a stop at UCSB and play the football stadium.

For me this is truly a case of not appreciating what I had until it was over.

[VincentVega]

Funny, every school is the 'top party school in the nation'.

Good luck with the kid

[Hard-Deck]

He's an adult. He should pay his way.

People are most grateful for what they earn on their own.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by Chris Martin

Funny, every school is the 'top party school in the nation'....

Yep, mine made the Playboy list too way back when, but in reality, the above statement is true imo. Congrats to your boy though, and I'm glad to be wrong on this one (that the party had already begun for him). In reality, GPAs and partying are not mutually exclusive. The "gang" I ran with back then consistently made decent grades (excepting a couple who flunked out early), but we liked to party too, and once Friday's happy hour arrived, we did . That old "work hard, play hard" mentality...I figured as long as I was making 'A's, I'd earned it...that was a long time ago. I'd buy him a beer and tell him he's off to a great start ...don't blow it now...

[legion]

Sounds a lot like my friends, Keith. We all had 3.00+ GPAs. It was pretty obvious to me who was in college to party, and who was in college to prepare for real life.

Although...we did have a community college not far off campus, so many of the flunk-outs ended up there. They could still pass classes and party and still hang out with the big university crowd...