Separation as a tool to save a marriage...your experiences? - Page 15

imcarthur · imcarthur's Garage

Nice & sunny in Atlanta this morning after a boomer storm late last night. Watch for the troopers on 20 after B'ham - as usual. I am heading to Hartsfield in 30 minutes going home. Enjoy yourself, Jim.

I met a dealer at a $12.5M house in Buckhead yesterday. Interesting to see how the other half lives. 421 Blackland

Ian

VincentVega · 08-27-2010, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Gonna stop at Barbar Motorcycle museum in B'ham on the way back

Great way to spend a few hours, take your time and try to let it soak in.

TGTIW · 08-27-2010, 04:59 AM

Dueller,

Quick question, did she marry young or have the kids young? It certainly sounds like she's trying to make up for a missed youth.

Dueller · 08-27-2010, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TGTIW

Dueller,

Quick question, did she marry young or have the kids young? It certainly sounds like she's trying to make up for a missed youth.

Without going into the details her children did not live with her from the time they were 3-4 until she and I married and they were 14-16. A fact not lost on me.

Rikao4 · 08-27-2010, 07:54 AM

sorry it didn't work out..
upside...

you have about 100 days to organize our next Christmas games..
as you recall..
I need detailed directions ...
no more using breadcrumbs to mark the trail for me the next...

Rika

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Got an email from cruise line that she has made reservation for spring break cruise in 3/11...going to Belize with twin dtrs, their bf's, and bf's mothers. What a trainwreck

Trainwreck doesn't begin to describe this trip. No amount of money in the world could get me on such a trip. Relish the schadenfreude even if you never hear the stories.

Dueller · 08-27-2010, 08:03 AM

Rec'd a text: "We will need to come by Sun to pack our things"

In all honesty most of the furnishings were mine before mariage. Much of the stuff wee acquired are of little significance monetarily or emotionally.

Pondering a response....right now doing nothing.

Rot 911 · 08-27-2010, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Rec'd a text: "We will need to come by Sun to pack our things"

Response: You lost the right to re-enter the house when you left. Give me an address and I will have everything boxed up and delivered to you.

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

Who's "our?" She and the twins and you and her? Time to stash your valuables with your closest friend, maybe sell for $1.

Rikao4 · 08-27-2010, 08:10 AM

sadly Angela is to far..
she would assist them by tossing the stuff out the upstair window..
her reasoning I'm sure would be..
quicker,saves wear and tear on the carpet..
and when she calls for another beer..
best you run..

Rika

McLovin · 08-27-2010, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

Agree and its more that she is not the same woman that Jim married. Time changes things, especially with the womans "change of life" time.

IMO she didn't change at all. She knew exactly what she was doing from the day she met Jim, got exactly what she wanted and is just proceeding as planned (or if not exactly as planned, very close to it).

As far as what to do with their stuff, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I'd let them come and get it, but I'd box up their stuff in advance and put it in the garage to make the pickup as quick as possible.

If there is a dispute as to what is or isn't theirs, I'd just give it to them, it's likely just fairly worthless crap anyways. You've already been taken for a ride big time, there's no use fighting over the crumbs. That'll just cause needless aggravation. She's won, get over it and move on as quickly as possible.

MotoSook · 08-27-2010, 09:54 AM

Sorry to see this, Jim. I wish you all the luck a good guy like you deserves.

McL has a good point. The timing of your separation was pretty close to when the kids left for college right?

Dueller · 08-27-2010, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McLovin

IMO she didn't change at all. She knew exactly what she was doing from the day she met Jim, got exactly what she wanted and is just proceeding as planned (or if not exactly as planned, very close to it).

As far as what to do with their stuff, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I'd let them come and get it, but I'd box up their stuff in advance and put it in the garage to make the pickup as quick as possible.

If there is a dispute as to what is or isn't theirs, I'd just give it to them, it's likely just fairly worthless crap anyways. You've already been taken for a ride big time, there's no use fighting over the crumbs. That'll just cause needless aggravation. She's won, get over it and move on as quickly as possible.

Some tidbits of good advice, McL. Particularly keeping in mind its just stuff. Taken?...mehhhhh...I had some fun along the way. I got to be a positive influence on a boy becoming a young man. Nobody can take away the feeling of sitting next to him in a tree stand when he shot his first deer. Or teaching him to ride a motorcycle. Or going with him to buy his first suit. yadadadada.

Just another chapter. She's won? Hmmmm...maybe in a way in the short run but where's she gonna be in 10 years when I'm enjoying the spoils of my life? Likely slinging liquor in a little pub at age 61...once a barmaid, always a barmaid. But in all honesty it wouldn't bother me if she was happy...infact I hope she finds what she's looking for if she ever figures it out. I gave it a shot. Her loss.

zioo · zioo's Garage

I notice that there is some truth in all of this. First of all, you are reaching out. This is a form of communication and that is the key. Love: You must both have a degree of this for the marriage to work. Firstly, if you can talk, identify any long or longer-term goals you have in common. Then ask what it is that you are afraid of sharing with one another that keeps the communication from being open and honest. If there is something that isn't said and is hidden, will this just cause another explosive argument? If this is more likely than not, counseling is in order to attempt to open up real communication. It is better than just separating. Once in a blue moon, counseling by one will lead to counseling for both, but ultimately you both have to want to increase communication and relinquish the power/control aspect. zioo

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Rec'd a text: "We will need to come by Sun to pack our things"

In all honesty most of the furnishings were mine before mariage. Much of the stuff wee acquired are of little significance monetarily or emotionally.

Pondering a response....right now doing nothing.

Be prepared to let her have whatever doesn't bother you - no matter who bought it.

Have someone else there when she shows up. There must be a referee.

Move any of your important small things elsewhere (for instance with me it would be my basses).

Learn from this and move on. The whole thing with the kids not living with her for 10+ years was/is a sign. My first ex-wife's mom did that with her. She was an amazing woman, but profoundly screwed up.

KFC911 · 08-27-2010, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

But in all honesty it wouldn't bother me if she was happy...infact I hope she finds what she's looking for if she ever figures it out. I gave it a shot. Her loss.

Sorry to hear it ended this way Jim. Good luck with moving on and "turning the page". You're a good guy...be well!

911boost · 911boost's Garage

Jim, it sounds like you are approacing this with the correct attitude, which I am gald to read.

My father in law calls all of the stuff he has "just molecules", except his spoons and pocket knives.

Bill

McLovin · 08-27-2010, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Just another chapter. She's won? Hmmmm...maybe in a way in the short run but where's she gonna be in 10 years when I'm enjoying the spoils of my life? Likely slinging liquor in a little pub at age 61...once a barmaid, always a barmaid. But in all honesty it wouldn't bother me if she was happy...infact I hope she finds what she's looking for if she ever figures it out. I gave it a shot. Her loss.

I agree 100%. It will not end very well for her. Ultimately, he daughters will move on and start their own families, essentially leaving her behind (that's just normal).

Your ex-wife, who from what I recall from pictures you've posted, was highly "marketable" at age 45, is going to be a lot less marketable at 55, and almost completely unmarketable at 60.

But I don't think it'll end horribly. While her past doesn't give much indication that she is a terrific decision maker, she does appear to be fairly crafty and a "survivor" type.

Seahawk · 08-27-2010, 11:40 AM

I was thinking about you last weekend...Jack and I went for a ride around the "Neck" on his bike and mine, the one I bought from you. The other farmers in the area don't mind us driving the crop "lines" as long as we're reasonable.

About an hour total...I want my joints back

BTW, no one took advantage of anyone. Jim just had a run in with Faulkner.

If you ever get close to DC and I hear about it...it would be best you stop by

Some pics: White bike on the right was Jims.

Gratuitous shot of Jack's Tacoma, which I bought new. He loves it.

Be well.

Zeke · 08-27-2010, 12:37 PM

Agree with a post by red beard who said ignore texts. She wants to come by, she should have the moxie to call you and set up a time that is convenient for YOU. Not to be a dick about it, but you need some control. And totally agree with either boxing and garaging of having a 3rd party there at the time.

Or both.