Separation as a tool to save a marriage...your experiences?

[carambola]

sounds like you have a handle on it, now don't go being an idiot

[Hugh R]

I wish you the best. I don't have any advice to offer you what-so-ever. I love my wife, and I can't quite figure out why she loves me, but she does. For us, I see that we do better together.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Let me put away my macho mask and tell you what I do know:
a. I love my wife with all her flaws and she loves me despite mine
b. Neither of us know whether too much damage has been done to salvage it
c. Neither of us know whether its even worth salvaging
d. My wife doesn't really know what she wants
e. My wife is more affected by menopause than she will admit
f. I need this time to find the part of me that was lost along the way steppin' and fetchin' and putting everybody else's happiness above mine
g. One of my biggest problems I have to work on is to stop setting myself up for disappointment
h. A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle
i. I have a wonderfully diverse support group of friends here in pelican and in my real world
j. My wife's support group consists of 3 female co-worker drinking buddies with bizarrely screwed up marriages and twin 19 y.o. dtrs
k. I have no clue what the future holds but I will figure out what to do about this and will be fine
l. My wife has never addressed deep seated guilt issues re: not having her children with her til we married; she resents the fact I was largely the catalyst for them coming to live with us after our marriage. Now that they are "grown" she may think I'm disposable
m. My stepson and I continue to have a good relationship but I may be biased because he thinks his mother and sisters are idiots in the way they treated me
n. I am faced with insurmountable opportunities

It would have taken me years to figure that out.

[imcarthur]

Good for you for handling the situation appropriately. Save the 'both barrels blazing' approach if the future requires it. And the self-analysis is a great step in the healing process. Its time to be selfish.

Ian

[Joeaksa]

Glad that it went ok. So many times it has not and ended with the husband in jail and the wife in absolute control of the house for several days.

[Heel n Toe]

I like the phrase "insurmountable opportunities," Jim.

I don't know what it means, but I like it. Heh heh

[911Rob]

sorry I went from page 1 to 11, but my vote is for a "time in"

Happiness comes from within Jim, not from your wife.
Look within yourself to be happy.

Good luck buddy, I'm rooting for you!

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by Heel n Toe

I like the phrase "insurmountable opportunities," Jim.

I don't know what it means, but I like it. Heh heh

From the comic strip "Pogo"

[Dueller]

Well Monday was an interesting day. She made 4 trips between house and her new apt. Took all of her clothes, toiletries, beds, kids furniture, some of the stuff we purchased together. We discussed a few financial matters of who would pay for what. In the course of that conversation she made the comment "I've pretty much depleted my savings account." I calmly replied "That's not my problem."

I never lifted a finger...just watched the parade. She looks exhausted. I wasw sitting in the kitchen watching a small tv on the counter. She came in very sweetly and said "You know I'm going to need that TV." I feigned shock then smiled and said "Of course...I know it was a gift to you from Sadie...just let me know when you want me to unplug it." Came back an hour or so later and said I need it now. I politely unscrewed cable and unplugged it and stepped back. I think she honestly thought I was gonna carry it out for her. That seemed to annoy her.

As she was leaving I noticed she had left a mirror that went above the dresser she took. I went out and called her back inside and said "You don't want the mirror?" She said I didn't know if you wanted it or not." I said "Nah...take it. I'm going in a different direction with the bedroom." She walked out with the mirror looking totally perplexed.

Went out last night and bought a cool LCD TV for my kitchen counter. Then a buddy of mine came over and we decidied to do a Scotch tasting comparing blended and single malt varieties and compared spoons we have. A good nite. Hadda sleep on the floor tho

[Rot 911]

Most excellent!

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by Dueller

From the comic strip "Pogo"

Also from the great philosopher Pogo...

"We have met the enemy and they is us"

[BRPORSCHE]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Went out last night and bought a cool LCD TV for my kitchen counter. Then a buddy of mine came over and we decidied to do a Scotch tasting comparing blended and single malt varieties and compared spoons we have. A good nite. Hadda sleep on the floor tho

we need to have a pelican guys night at duellers!

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by BRPORSCHE

we need to have a pelican guys night at duellers!

I have been known to drive distances for just such goodness.

[BRPORSCHE]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

I have been known to drive distances for just such goodness.

Same here. Though usually there is some *meow* involved...

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by BRPORSCHE

we need to have a pelican guys night at duellers!

Road Trip!

[porsche4life]

I like what you guys are planning.... Can you do it on my fall break? And are the ex-step dtrs fair game for me and Tom?

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by BRPORSCHE

Same here. Though usually there is some *meow* involved...

I generally flew that in

[porsche4life]

Exotic *meow*.... The best kind.

[Gretch]

change the locks.......... now.

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

I like what you guys are planning.... Can you do it on my fall break? And are the ex-step dtrs fair game for me and Tom?

How about we STOP pussy footing around (pun intended) and stage a Ultimate Pelican Nite in Vegas and everyone come. We could do it around the fall break time...