Sorry don't feed the bulldog!

Some good one here!

Here's mine

"He's a few clowns short of a circus"

'More F**k'd up than a soup sandwich."

'More F**k'd up than a N*ggr's checkbook.' (not mine but hear it a bunch down South)

'I don't know if I should ***** or go bowling.'

'I'll F*ck next Tuesday out of you!'

'I'm gonna beat you like you owe me money!'

'Beats being dragged by the balls down a dirt road but not by much.'

'Not bad for a boy from Oklahoma...'

'The only excuse that makes any sorta sense is that he is from Louisiana.'

That chick is sweatin' me like a two dollar hooker with a buck-fifty rebate!

Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?

Harder than woodpecker lips.

Harder than a $50 jaw breaker.

She looks like a sack of antlers. (too skinny.)
Finer than frog fur. (good looking)
Queer as a football bat. (flaming gay)
On it like a starving Chihuahua on a hot pork chop. ( very enthusiastic)

More nervous than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

Big Hat, no cattle.

I guy that wants you to think he is a big time player but he is really just a broke BS artist.

I dont give a rats a$$
He so dumb he couldnt fal out of a tree
slicker than owls $h-T
ugly as hell (?)
hungry as a mutha ****a

Couldn't pull a nail out of my arse with a D9 tractor (uptight).

Like sticking a wet noodle up a wildcat's arse.

Clear as mother's milk.

roughing up the suspect (self-gratification).

she puts on her belt with a boomarang.

Dryer than a popcorn fart.

It's raining like a cow pissin on a flat rock

sharp as a beach ball

She didn't get hit with an ugly stick, they used the whole tree.

And the all-time classic:
Iffn my dog had a face like that I'd shave his arse and teach him to walk backward.

She's so ugly even the tide won't take her out.

I feel higher than a Georgia pine.

Hotter than a freshly farked fox in a forest fire.

She/he has kind hair........................ the kind that grows on a burro's butt

Like trying to pick the fly-schit from the pepper with boxing gloves

Does the pope schit on the Catholics?

I'm gonna beat you like a soapy dlck

Try out some of the Aussie slang expressions sometime for some wonderful stuff...

Panel beater means auto body shop

Away with the pixies means daydreaming

Chuck a wobbly means pitch a fit or throw a tantrum

Go for a slash in the dunny means go take a pi$$

Shouting at mermaids = seasick

I said this to a spry old gentleman I know:

"I hope I'm as young as you are when I get to be your age."

Happier than a fly at a ****e fight.

Are the Kennedys fly shy? [as opposed to gun]

Surprisingly not mentioned yet..... do wild bears wipe their butts with rabbits?

One i retained from my father, & used everytime someone says "I wish we had that!". [tools, parts, anything really].. You can only F##k with the c##k you have got!

If brains was dynamite, that sucker couldn't blow his nose.

Couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery.

If brains were cotton, he couldn't Kotex a flea.