Tough ultimatum from spouse

[vash]

two sides to everystory.

but from this side, call her bluff. just be prepared to lose.
reading this, dying alone doesnt seem that bad.

[Moses]

[Moneyguy1]

Moses..

Now THAT is funny!!!

[StevoRocket]

In your own words this woman is...
Selfish
Bullying
Threatening
Cruel
Controlling
Vindictive
Capable of denying access to your daughter
Determined to make your life hell

Hardly a resume for a loving wife and mother in a caring sharing relationship. Neither are these the attributes of a partner one wants to share life with after the kids have flown the nest.

Whats worse is that her attitude has started to destroy your self esteem and confidence.

We have all said it above, see a councillor if you must - but in my opinion the need to get married is for her to gain (in her distorted view of the world) more control over you and the family resources, not to start to relinquish the hold she has established.

Having thought about this and re-read the replies there is only one solution in my opinion.

Go to a solicitor and have him draw up the papers for a split of the assets of the relationship and to provide for access regimes for your daughter.

You have an opportunity to re-establish a rewarding life through that relatively simple act.

She will probably react to the serving of the papers by claiming she will change - she will not in my opinion - I think you are seeing the tip of the iceburg.

Get that professional opinion - from a lawyer and possibly your doctors opinion too - and then act.

[nostatic]

Run screaming. She makes my ex sound almost perfect. You are doing no one a favor here, and once you stand up you will find that it feels good, and each time her ability to hurt you will diminish. Ask me how I know.

There is a fine line between being a jerk and standing up for yourself. But right now you're cowering way on the side of worrying about being a jerk. Don't. And yes, she'll likely try to hurt you with her words and actions. But she can't make you miserable. You can allow her to make you miserable, or you can decide otherwise. You really do have a choice in this. There always is a choice. It will not be easy or pretty, but I have yet to find anything really worthwhile in life that was easy.

[bigchillcar]

"hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"...expect the storm, but plan on 'weathering' it..
ryan

[scottmandue]

My Wife
By: John Entwistle



My life's in jeopardy

Murdered in cold blood is what I'm gonna be

I ain't been home since Friday night

And now my wife is coming after me



Give me police protection

Gonna buy a gun so

I can look after number one

Give me a bodyguard

A black belt Judo expert with a machine gun



Gonna buy a tank and an aeroplane

When she catches up with me

Won't be no time to explain

She thinks I've been with another woman

And that's enough to send her half insane

Gonna buy a fast car

Put on my lead boots

And take a long, long drive

I may end up spending all my money

But I'll still be alive



All I did was have a bit too much to drink

And I picked the wrong precinct

Got picked up by the law

And now I ain't got time to think



Gonna buy a tank and an aeroplane

When she catches up with me

Won't be no time to explain

She thinks I've been with another woman

And that's enough to send her half insane

Gonna buy a fast car

Put on my lead boots

And take a long, long drive

I may end up spending all my money

But I'll still be alive



And I'm oh so tired of running

Gonna lay down on the floor

I gotta rest some time so

I can get to run some more



She's comin'!

She's comin'!

[livi]

Much obliged - all of you ! This has been such an incredible eye opener. Read and re read every single post. Every single one displays true empathy and insight without being typically male chauvinistic or single minded.

Finding this kind of support and genuine social competence on a forum for piston heads with a passion for flat six engines and peculiar gear box anatomy - is a total revelation and life saver.

[Rikao4]

Livi, in your world..this is not a infection..she's cancer. Surgery, followed by the attention of a hot little 30 yr blond babe, should have you smiling in no time.
Still waiting to hear 'Splat', punt boy, kick her as if your life & happiness depended on it...as it does.
Rika

[vash]

make godamn sure that you open your eyes and see it from her perspective. just take a peek. you dont want to make any life decisions based on a bunch of porsche fan's ideas. i mean, we are smart has hell...BUT.

[RickM]

Originally posted by livi
What would I need to blend in with the regular Arkansas inhabitant ?

Just don't do what this guy in Wisconsin did> Man Pleads No Contest To Forcing Running Showerhead In Woman's Mouth

http://www.local6.com/news/8840598/detail.html

Don't mean to make light of the situation but you probably could use a laugh.

[cool_chick]

Originally posted by vash
make godamn sure that you open your eyes and see it from her perspective. just take a peek. you dont want to make any life decisions based on a bunch of porsche fan's ideas. i mean, we are smart has hell...BUT.

Dude, normally, I'd agree. But these statements make me wonder what her perspective can possibly be?

Marcus' original post:



She also disregard my three kids from my former marriage. Disliking me spending time or money on them.

Bad sign. I suspect she feels "jealous" of the other children. They're not hers, they were made with "another woman." This alone is enough to say screw that. Family is family, whether it comes out of my womb or not. His kids would be my kids.

Marcus, she's insanely jealous in other situations too, isn't she?




She claims that if I chose to leave she will make everything she can in order to make it difficult for me to see my daughter. She also promises to make my life a living hell generally.

These are statements she has made to him. Unless he gravely misinterpreted, but that's hard to believe. What else could she have possibly meant?

- I will not have time to let you see your daughter?
- I will be so busy that I'll just have to make your life hell?

What does this mean?




She claims I am hurting our daughter for not marrying her mother.

How is the child hurt? The child is 1 years old. The child doesn't even know what the word "milk" or "doggie" means, let alone the word or concept of marriage.





Nah, Vash, I think this one is not a healthy, balanced relationship, and with hangups like this, I doubt it could be.

[FrayAdjacent911]

[Don Ro]

Originally posted by bigchillcar
hide a tape recorder in your pocket to record all the retaliatory threats and expletives.

Adding to what others have said...

If she's truly the way you have described, you could covertly audio tape her. Then edit the worst of what she says onto one tape. If it's not legally admissible in a future proceeding, it would be good to have - perhaps a couples counselor (and/or your own counselor) listening to it.
Many folks hide out, blame, and deceive in counseling - having evidence re: the reality could be beneficial...depending, of course, on her willingness to get off her position.

Also, in the event that you two go your separate ways and you later begin to reminisce about the "good" times you had w/her, listen to that (those) tapes. BTDT...it works.

If you do seek couples counseling, be prepared to be confronted with what you are doing/have done to contribute to the failed relationship.
The "dance" is not solo, it involves the neurosis of both parties.
We can only benefit by discovering our own...it's called *Maturation*.
First us, then a possibility with another human.

Ask yourself this: "What would I advise a son of mine to do?"

Good luck.

[cstreit]

Originally posted by cool_chick
Because honestly, these kinds of people aren't the best parents anyway. They put themselves and their selfishness before their children (the child becomes the pawn in her games).

...which she is already doing! Scary and SICK to use a kid as a manipulative element, even if she is emotional. Be afraid... Get yourself well prepared (lawyer, etc..) before making ANY additional move... Good luck livi.

[vash]

i date a supersweet woman. lately she has been (let's call it) going through a phase. if i typed them out to you guys, she would come off completely insane, and all of you would be telling me the same thing. some pelicans have met her, and would be the only guys saying, "hey it is just a phase"! you have to watch the spin. and i can spin like a mother effer.

[Moses]

Originally posted by FrayAdjacent911

Beautiful!

[Moses]

Originally posted by vash
i date a supersweet woman. lately she has been (let's call it) going through a phase. if i typed them out to you guys, she would come off completely insane, and all of you would be telling me the same thing. some pelicans have met her, and would be the only guys saying, "hey it is just a phase"! you have to watch the spin. and i can spin like a mother effer.

Problem is, sometimes those "phases" last 20 or 30 years.

[vash]

good point! i will shut up now.


(yikes!)

[island911]

Damn . . . livi.

This situation is like a dude pointing gun at your face, saying "get in the van, or else.

Do NOT get into the van!