PPOT Father/Husbands- Did you want to have get married/have kids?

[MongooseGA]

Originally Posted by McLovin

Whoa.

You're telling me.

[McLovin]

I think I'd do whatever it took to move out. Including just renting a room somewhere. What would that cost, $500/month?

[MongooseGA]

Originally Posted by McLovin

I think I'd do whatever it took to move out. Including just renting a room somewhere. What would that cost, $500/month?

I agree. It will be uncomfortable to stay here much longer. Having said that, I have been invited to stay as long as I need or care to. Her parents and I are pretty close and they understand that this will be a 'clean breakup'. Meaning: I didn't screw her sister or anything and nobody is mad at the other- just something that needs to happen.

With that, I'll likely have to leave most of what I have here in storage in their basement until I can get my own garage space. I may call up my cousin's son and see if he'd be willing to let me take his 2nd bedroom.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by MongooseGA

Want another curve ball? I hadn't mentioned: we live on our own floor in her parents' house. The plan was for us to stay here and not rent, so we could buy a home together.

Dude. That's an interesting arrangement, and will make it damn hard to drag it out. As soon as things get rocky and she gets mom and dad involved, it will get ugly quick. You need to make a clean break, and that may require re-arranging your life for a while because you are in deep. Get a job, find a cheap place, and GTFO.

Interesting that her Christian faith is so important to her, and I assume her family, yet you're sleeping her in her parent's house with their blessing. The flexibility of morality is amusing.

[VincentVega]

find a cheap place, and GTFO

x2, good luck

The flexibility of morality is amusing.

Isnt it funny how it usually works that way?

[MongooseGA]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Interesting that her Christian faith is so important to her, and I assume her family, yet you're sleeping her in her parent's house with their blessing. The flexibility of morality is amusing.

Yes, I agree. Hence my own views on the topic of religion (which isn't for this thread). However, it is a testament to our relationship. She moved to live with me in VA 4 years ago to her parents' dismay. They weren't thrilled about it, but they were happy with the way we treated each other and related to each other.They had known me for a few years at this point. We then moved from my parents' house to an apartment with 2 of my friends, then our own apartment together. From there we came to ATL.

For all intents and purposes, I'm pretty sure everyone expects (expected) we'd be together forever. When compared to the relationships her sister has been in, even our living in sin together has been a blessing for her family.

I don't imagine her extended family will take it well. This past Christmas, her grandmother told me I was her favorite grandchild. I'm the only guy who her grandfather spends much time talking to at holidays and dinner parties. Her aunt and uncle specifically ask that I be brought along to events. Her cousins have taken me to bar hops and ball games. Her dad, uncle and I go on motorcycle rides together. I've really inserted myself 100% into this family for years, and that's going to be tough to move from on its own.

[onewhippedpuppy]

More reason why you need to make a clean break. The best solution would be to leave town. It sounds as if she is the only thing keeping you there anyway. Because every time you associate with any of her family, aka pretty much the only local people that you know well, you get sucked back in. It can be done with grace, and I suspect many will understand, but this is going to be an exceedingly messy breakup if you don't stand on your own two feet and walk out.

Why not go crash with your single restaurant buddy for a while? Pay him a few hundred to crash on his couch, maybe help out around the restaurant until you get life back in order?

[MongooseGA]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

More reason why you need to make a clean break. The best solution would be to leave town. It sounds as if she is the only thing keeping you there anyway. Because every time you associate with any of her family, aka pretty much the only local people that you know well, you get sucked back in. It can be done with grace, and I suspect many will understand, but this is going to be an exceedingly messy breakup if you don't stand on your own two feet and walk out.

Why not go crash with your single restaurant buddy for a while? Pay him a few hundred to crash on his couch, maybe help out around the restaurant until you get life back in order?

There are other things that I like about the area. I can sustain myself without her or her family in Atlanta. I have an excellent job lined up, for which I am working on a state-specific license. There is a very good car community here which I've been getting involved in. There's a ton to do in the city.

As stated, unless I find a place with sufficient garage space, I'd have to sell my toys. If I were to do that, I may as well have had the kids, since that was a big concern of mine to begin with. I don't foresee this being anything but civil and mature, so I'd be surprised if I wasn't offered the garage space I currently use for my 911 and bike. They have garages on both sides of the house, anyway.

If I stayed with my buddy long term, I'd probably not accomplish much other than smoke tons of weed and sleep in late. He's not the best influence of productivity for me. He's also living in squalor right now. I was disgusted at his living conditions.

I think my best bet may be with either my cousin or his son. Both stable adults, we get along well, and we're blood.

[MongooseGA]

I've got a mattress to live on at my cousin's son's house. (Let's just call him my younger cousin, for reference sake.)

I'm going to have drinks with him tonight or tomorrow. What's the protocol on this sort of thing? The most I've ever had to give back to an ex has been love notes and and some clothes.

Then there's the issue of my dog. He's mine. Mine.

[sammyg2]

If you feel you should not have kids, then by all means DO NOT HAVE KIDS!
It isn't for everyone.
Some folks should not have kids and admitting that is the most responsible thing to do.

For Goodness sake, do not let someone pressure you into parenthood if you feel it's not the right thing to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sammyg2]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Interesting that her Christian faith is so important to her, and I assume her family, yet you're sleeping her in her parent's house with their blessing. The flexibility of morality is amusing.

So you're throwing the first stone then?

[fastfredracing]

[QUOTE=MongooseGA;8286846]
If I stayed with my buddy long term, I'd probably not accomplish much other than smoke tons of weed and sleep in late.
This should be your 'plan A" , sorry could not resist

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by MongooseGA

Then there's the issue of my dog. He's mine. Mine.

You seem more passionate about the dog than the young lady.

Unless you have the stones for it, you are looking in the rear view mirror.

One last thing, which I would tell my son: Don't make excuses...

[MongooseGA]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

You seem more passionate about the dog than the young lady.

Unless you have the stones for it, you are looking in the rear view mirror.

One last thing, which I would tell my son: Don't make excuses...

I rescued Norman when he was three months old. Kacie and I drove 24 hours round trip to pick him up. He loves me unconditionally and knows who 'daddy' is. It's been known for five years now that if anything were to happen between Kacie and I, Norman goes with me, no questions asked.

[QUOTE=fastfredracing;8287137]

Originally Posted by MongooseGA

If I stayed with my buddy long term, I'd probably not accomplish much other than smoke tons of weed and sleep in late.
This should be your 'plan A" , sorry could not resist

It would be, if I didn't want to use this as an opportunity for growth. I'm the most unproductive high. I could probably very easily slip back into a lifestyle of all sorts of substances that I've enjoyed in earlier years, but that's not my goal here.

[aigel]

Oh man - camping out with the in-laws. You conveniently left out that detail earlier, including the fact that all those toys you'd risk getting married will be homeless with losing your squatting rights ...

Don't fool yourself - once you walk out on the relationship, your garage space will be gone.

The religion thing would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Someone deeply religious will always think that you'll need to be saved. Of course that makes sense since they have faith. That's not going to work in the long run, unless you can pick it up.

It sounds to me like it is time to grow up. Pay rent, get a job and make it on your own. We all had to cross that line at some point in our lives. It will feel a lot better than marrying into it.

Good luck!

G

[MongooseGA]

Originally Posted by aigel

Oh man - camping out with the in-laws. You conveniently left out that detail earlier, including the fact that all those toys you'd risk getting married will be homeless with losing your squatting rights ...

Don't fool yourself - once you walk out on the relationship, your garage space will be gone.

The religion thing would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Someone deeply religious will always think that you'll need to be saved. Of course that makes sense since they have faith. That's not going to work in the long run, unless you can pick it up.

It sounds to me like it is time to grow up. Pay rent, get a job and make it on your own. We all had to cross that line at some point in our lives. It will feel a lot better than marrying into it.

Good luck!

G

Thanks for the words.

Just to be clear- I have lived on my own. For several years. I've paid rent, had excellent job positions. This isn't a matter of me not being a responsible adult. I have been largely financially self-sufficient since I was 15 years old. It just happens that I no longer have the same network, resources, and contacts in a new state that I had at home. I had to accept a job paying me 1/2 of what I made in VA when we first got here so I could maintain my monthly liabilities. Long story short, through several inconvenient events, I'm about 10 months behind where I was planning to be. This matter at hand isn't helping me at all, since about all of my plans involved her being a part.

It's been relayed to me that I have as much time as I want to stay in the house, or even just leave things here until I'm established. I'm not just the guy screwing their daughter- I am a part of this family and have been for a long time. I may have just been some horny teen to them years ago, but I've also loved, cared for, protected, and provided for their daughter.

I've also been offered garage space by a buddy of mine. I may take him up on it, but I'm not sure yet. I've got some other options I need to look into this week.

[911SauCy]

Originally Posted by MongooseGA

I did the college thing. Partied my ass off, took advantage of the 2:1 girl/guy ratio.

From my perspective today, it will not be fun in the beginning. However, I think it will be an interesting new chapter.

You need to start "entertaining" 35-40 y/o women who know what they want. All bets are off and you're starting back at square one.

TRUST ME, I thought college partying was great until some experience made me realize that before, I was riding the go-karts with the governors.

Go on son, get yourself a shifter kart.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by sammyg2

So you're throwing the first stone then?

Ummm, no. I am far from a saint, and am about as far from self-righteous as people get. It's just ironic that religion is important enough to sever a relationship over, but not important enough to actually comply with. I am not familiar with any form of Christianity that advocates pre-marital habitation and sex.

Originally Posted by MongooseGA

Thanks for the words.

Just to be clear- I have lived on my own. For several years. I've paid rent, had excellent job positions. This isn't a matter of me not being a responsible adult. I have been largely financially self-sufficient since I was 15 years old. It just happens that I no longer have the same network, resources, and contacts in a new state that I had at home. I had to accept a job paying me 1/2 of what I made in VA when we first got here so I could maintain my monthly liabilities. Long story short, through several inconvenient events, I'm about 10 months behind where I was planning to be. This matter at hand isn't helping me at all, since about all of my plans involved her being a part.

It's been relayed to me that I have as much time as I want to stay in the house, or even just leave things here until I'm established. I'm not just the guy screwing their daughter- I am a part of this family and have been for a long time. I may have just been some horny teen to them years ago, but I've also loved, cared for, protected, and provided for their daughter.

I've also been offered garage space by a buddy of mine. I may take him up on it, but I'm not sure yet. I've got some other options I need to look into this week.

Sorry my friend, but you are fooling yourself because the reality of the situation sucks. You don't even have enough money to get your own apartment and you are relying on your ex-girlfriend's parents for housing, you aren't self-sufficient in any way shape or form. Meanwhile, you have toys that you can't afford to store on your own but don't want to sell. Sorry, but being a self-sufficient adult means that frequently you have to do things that you don't want to do. Sell the toys, everything you've posted here indicates that you can't afford them. Use the money to move out, get your own place, and start over as a man.

Sorry if I come across as a dick, but I've been there. Stuff will come and go, in the grand scheme of things it's not that important. This is life, and often doing the right thing is different than doing the easy thing.

[VincentVega]

Sell the toys, everything you've posted here indicates that you can't afford them. Use the money to move out, get your own place, and start over as a man.

Sorry if I come across as a dick, but I've been there. Stuff will come and go, in the grand scheme of things it's not that important. This is life, and often doing the right thing is different than doing the easy thing.

That there is good advice.

[MongooseGA]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Ummm, no. I am far from a saint, and am about as far from self-righteous as people get. It's just ironic that religion is important enough to sever a relationship over, but not important enough to actually comply with. I am not familiar with any form of Christianity that advocates pre-marital habitation and sex.



Sorry my friend, but you are fooling yourself because the reality of the situation sucks. You don't even have enough money to get your own apartment and you are relying on your ex-girlfriend's parents for housing, you aren't self-sufficient in any way shape or form. Meanwhile, you have toys that you can't afford to store on your own but don't want to sell. Sorry, but being a self-sufficient adult means that frequently you have to do things that you don't want to do. Sell the toys, everything you've posted here indicates that you can't afford them. Use the money to move out, get your own place, and start over as a man.

Sorry if I come across as a dick, but I've been there. Stuff will come and go, in the grand scheme of things it's not that important. This is life, and often doing the right thing is different than doing the easy thing.

I don't think you're coming off as a dick, no worries. Thanks for the straight-to-the-point analysis.

I'd be inclined to agree with you wholeheartedly, from an outside perspective. You may be right that it would be the best option for my own circumstance.

However, from my perspective, I don't think that's the case. I'm losing my partner, temporarily leaving my dog, and giving up the biggest feeling of security I currently have. Maybe I'm still just stubborn or immature about this, but I truly don't want to have to give up my material passions as well.

No job, no money, no woman, no hobbies, no home, no dog, few nearby friends... It sound like a check list for depression much deeper than just overcoming a break up.

I'm not typically an emotional kind of person- as pointed out by Don in this thread, I'm much more cerebral and logical. I realize my position on this specific matter flies in the face of logic.

I'll add more later. I'm going to the gym for some positive endorphins and to clear my head. Doesn't hurt to get myself into a more 'marketable' shape, either.