After 21 years... she's leaving

[Oracle]

Spot on.. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't appreciate you.

Originally Posted by Craig T

I'm very sorry Lee. I went through this as well. Just remember, life is very short...Too short to spend any more time than necessary with somebody who doesn't appreciate and love you for who you are, or visa versa.

My first wife said something similar to me me after 7 years of marriage. For the next three years I gave up my soul giving her control and trying to make her happy. It still wasn't enough and we divorced at 10 years. In hind sight, I wish I'd left the day she started complaining, just tore it off quickly like a hard stuck bandage no matter how hard it hurt. Three years of life wasted.

[techweenie]

Her loss.

[cockerpunk]

and folks mock me for staying single on purpose ... sad. all too common, all too real, all too painful.

i think i can count on one hand the number of marriages i know of that didnt start with a woman's ultimatum. just remember, when they give you that ultimatum, dump em. move on. plenty more beautiful women out there. always engage women on your terms, not theres.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

What an amazing group of people we have on this board. Bravo.

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by notfarnow

To her eternal credit, yes. For a portion of it. Once everything was settled and she did the math, she came back to me after realizing to what degree she had been favored. By that point lawyers had soaked up a lot of it anyway, but it meant a lot to me to at least have it acknowledged

I wish my ex had 1% of your ex's class.

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

and folks mock me for staying single on purpose ... sad. all too common, all too real, all too painful.

i think i can count on one hand the number of marriages i know of that didnt start with a woman's ultimatum. just remember, when they give you that ultimatum, dump em. move on. plenty more beautiful women out there. always engage women on your terms, not theres.

But don't you get lonely? There's nothing better than a good woman by your side. The problem is finding her.

[winders]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

and folks mock me for staying single on purpose ... sad. all too common, all too real, all too painful.

i think i can count on one hand the number of marriages i know of that didnt start with a woman's ultimatum. just remember, when they give you that ultimatum, dump em. move on. plenty more beautiful women out there. always engage women on your terms, not theres.

Such a sad and cynical view....I really do feel sorry for you.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

But don't you get lonely? There's nothing better than a good woman by your side. The problem is finding her.

never.

number 1, i got **** to do, like all the time. racing, fixing/upgrading cars, roadtrips, international travel, working out, paintball, nerf, and shooting real steel ... on top of craft beers to be drank and there is always plenty of overtime at work to be done, which i dont mind in the least, i love my job. being bored, or lonely is a choice. always something awesome to be done. i find it hard to hold down a GF over the summer, im just busy every evening, and they want 2-4 evenings a week from you ...

plus, there is no shortage of women in my life. im in good shape, i have no kids, no ex wife, i make a plenty of money, own my own home, i work on and drive, and race, race cars, i can carry on a conversation, im kinda funny .... no shortage of women. no shortage of women looking to date me.

EDIT: i dont mean to brag, thats not the point. i guess i just think life is for living, and being bored or lonely is a choice. get busy living, there is literally anything and everything in the entire world that you can do ... how could you be bored? there are 6 billion poeple on earth to meet, how can you be lonely?

[Gretch]

The grass often appears greener............ and a good marriage requires compromise.

guys often stay put because pulling the plug is financially expensive. Women generally do not have that problem to deal with.

the art of the dance really is "art".

[red-beard]

Well crap! I just found out yesterday one of my friends separated from his wife.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by red-beard

Well crap! I just found out yesterday one of my friends separated from his wife.

[Baz]

To each their own, I say.

If you want to be married....and can find the right person....go for it.

I know people who are lonely without having someone with them all the time or knowing they have an agreement to be a couple.

Just because you aren't married doesn't mean you can't have someone in your life.

Really not fair to criticize either choice.

All that said IMHO what breaks a relationship apart more than anything has nothing to do with love or friendship or even compatibility.

It's respecting each other enough to admire and WANT TO BE with each other. Once that erodes.....it's see ya later.....

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

But don't you get lonely? .

That's what dogs are for.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

That's what dogs are for.

Hahahaha.......you are so right brother!

[speeder]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

But don't you get lonely? There's nothing better than a good woman by your side. The problem is finding her.

For sure this is true but it's also true, and amazing to me, what most people will put up with in order to avoid being alone. Truly amazing.

As my wise mother once said, (regarding relationships), there are worse things than being alone.

[speeder]

Also, people really vary in their needs. In the olden days, (and maybe still in some places), everyone just got married and had kids because it was "the thing to do." In the modern age, many people choose to be single.

When I meet or hear about someone my age who has been married 3 or more times, it really baffles me. I've only met a small number of women in this life that I'd want to be married to. I've also had relationships with some awesome women but only two that I wanted to be married to and neither were to be.

[Evans, Marv]

True words Denis, and ones the OP should consider. He's been in a relationship for years and being without that relationship will probably be trying for a while. It's always been amazing to me how some people can't do without another person in their lives as if they didn't feel complete on a psychological and emotional basis without some person (any person ?) around. My motto was always, "Mejor solo que mal acompanodo," My first marriage was at 32 and lasted ten years. The second wasn't until 55 and looks like it will last until I'm not around anymore. But if something happened, I'd be plenty able to navigate on my own and prefer it that way. I've heard women comment the needed a "man" in their lives, as if any man would do. I never stayed around. Like I said before, you need to learn to love yourself first.

[Discseven]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

...there are 6 billion poeple on earth to meet, how can you be lonely?

.

[pavulon]

Perhaps others can relate to my experience with divorce. It has been existentially shattering and continues to reverberate though out my life. In the past 4 years, I have found myself standing at more personal and professional crossroads than I imagined for my entire life. There are 4 children in the middle of this mess too. This week, the hits kept coming and I was told to leave my position of 17 years. In my nearly 40 years of working, I've never been fired before. While I continue to cling to a few fundamental values for day to day navigation, I find myself wondering if there will be any recovering from it for me and my heart goes out to anyone going through it. Emotions ebb and tide but I have not been able to get the page turned.

I do find that writing about how this has impacted me to be therapeutic. It makes me reduce my feelings to words and then to try to make some sense of them. It also is beneficial to talk about it as daylight can be a good disinfectant. I do not enjoy the vulnerability that comes with talking about issues or feelings as allowing for vulnerability has not always worked well for me and is a real struggle. I could see this being an issue for many other men as well.

[notfarnow]

Originally Posted by pavulon

Perhaps others can relate to my experience with divorce. It has been existentially shattering and continues to reverberate though out my life. In the past 4 years, I have found myself standing at more personal and professional crossroads than I imagined for my entire life. There are 4 children in the middle of this mess too. This week, the hits kept coming and I was told to leave my position of 17 years. In my nearly 40 years of working, I've never been fired before. While I continue to cling to a few fundamental values for day to day navigation, I find myself wondering if there will be any recovering from it for me and my heart goes out to anyone going through it. Emotions ebb and tide but I have not been able to get the page turned.

I do find that writing about how this has impacted me to be therapeutic. It makes me reduce my feelings to words and then to try to make some sense of them. It also is beneficial to talk about it as daylight can be a good disinfectant. I do not enjoy the vulnerability that comes with talking about issues or feelings as allowing for vulnerability has not always worked well for me and is a real struggle. I could see this being an issue for many other men as well.

man, I can relate to so much of this. Well put.

I like to think I'm on the upswing now, and I'll say this: *Everything* is different now, and it's been my job to make sure that at any fork in the road, I make things BETTER than they were before. I think it's made me more accountable, especially to myself.

One of the nicest changes is that I find it a lot easier to eatablish and maintain clearer boundaries expectations with relationships. That alone has been a huge game changer.

It's a rough go, but it can be like hitting "reset". How you rebuild is up to you. Once you have your head on straight, that part can be pretty exciting.