After 21 years... she's leaving

[larrydickman]

Originally Posted by red-beard

LDM - You have a point

And 5 years?!? Worst one for me took 8 months. #2, because it was Massachusetts, it took 4 months to property settlement, which is basically done. Then there is a 90 days "waiting period" and your are divorced.

She hasn't had a full time job since 1995. I have very good medical insurance and she injured her back previously. After I filed, I told her I would give her a year and a half to seek treatment and/or surgery, then commence with the divorce.

Well, she went to acupuncture, then herbal/ dietary treatments, then Eastern medicine (like I said I have great insurance) everything BUT surgery. Finally gave the ultimatum and she had surgery. Proceeded with the divorce and it got ugly real quick.

A very good friend in the same business did the same with his ex but his lasted 9 years. He told me "No matter how hard it hurts, no matter how bad it gets, whack it off at the knees ASAP. Delaying the divorce from my ex almost cost me my job, my new relationship and now she's asking for more money in support than I make in a year."

Very good advice that I wished I'd taken sooner. Also, where I live (and it ain't Des Moines) my lawyer says the divorce rate is at 70-80%. Courts are way backed up. Also i think she was in cahoots with her lawyer to drag their feet so she could continue to be covered by my medical.

[Evans, Marv]

Lots of guys here have been through a lot and had confidence enough to lay things out. As you can see lots of us have been through the same, so you have kindred spirits traveling with you here. Keeping your head down and steering your way through is a good plan. It's pretty normal to hang in there too long. I hung in for a couple of years before making a break for it but like I said, in my case the relationship didn't develop in an adversarial way. We were lucky enough to work things out sans lawyers, partly because we had a pretty simple situation. Don't fault yourself for trying to manage the situation into a better phase. Take heed from all who say get a good attorney and have faith you will eventually come out with a couple of scars (she will too) but have more confidence in yourself and see there is life after a break up.

[Charles Freeborn]

Originally Posted by wayner

I park near a gym, wake up, work out for an hour and shower and dress into business clothes for the day to complete one of my last few weeks work engagements.

At the end of the day I eat, and spend the rest of the day at the gym cycling and lifting then change for the night.

Weekends I visit the gym 3 times a day. Its all I do now.

I can't feel anything when my body hurts...

Last night, this new weak assed me broke down uncontrollably when I realized that there were other people who cared about me. Today when I realize that it makes me smile
Thanks for all the offers of support

Chin up. This too shall pass.
Can you rent a camper / trailer, park it at a campground and live out of it for a bit? At least you'd have a kitchen and bathroom on board.

[varmint]

YMCA?

Church?

Knew a friend that crashed at the VFW for a few weeks during his divorce.

Even if you have to look on Craigslist for some college student needing a room mate, getting into a real residence will help you get your head on straight.

[Gretch]

Originally Posted by sand_man

I have long since moved on, but I remember some of those events so vividly. I wonder, does a person ever really get past it? Even being in a a healthy long-term relationship now, I occasionally feel haunted.

I suppose for some, the bad memories fade......... I think deep down inside instinct is to NEVER forget the source of a deep traumatic experience.......

The hate may diminish.......... but there are likely always vestiges of it........ Plus in hindsight it is a lot easier to see how getting involved with the ***** was the dumbest thing you ever did.....


Guys, it does get better........ really. like amputating a cancerous limb........ there can be wonderful life after........ and with any luck the experience has taught you to be more discerning about who you choose to let into your life.

[wayner]

I'm trying to understand my own thought process here, as confused as I am, but I think in some strange way I believe that this truck is good for me

I don't want to sit in some cushy hotel feeling all comfortable and sorry for myself with nothing to do

Being in that hotel should be a reward, not self imposed exile

So, this afternoon I hit the phones and landed another lucrative week out of town where I get to stay in a 4 star hotel in a few weeks

I am liking the idea of turning every step of business effort not only significant financial reward, but better instant lifestyle change

With laziness I end up back in my truck
With effort I live a more luxurious lifestyle


I'm the only one standing in my way now
Into the wind I go...

This afternoon has been very good for me

[A930Rocket]

No personal advice, but just want to say good luck to you guys and we are here for you!

[rwest]

Originally Posted by wayner

I'm trying to understand my own thought process here, as confused as I am, but I think in some strange way I believe that this truck is good for me

I don't want to sit in some cushy hotel feeling all comfortable and sorry for myself with nothing to do

Being in that hotel should be a reward, not self imposed exile

So, this afternoon I hit the phones and landed another lucrative week out of town where I get to stay in a 4 star hotel in a few weeks

I am liking the idea of turning every step of business effort not only significant financial reward, but better instant lifestyle change

With laziness I end up back in my truck
With effort I live a more luxurious lifestyle


I'm the only one standing in my way now
Into the wind I go...

This afternoon has been very good for me

Great attitude Wayne- wishing you the best.

[Gretch]

THAT attitude will put the ugliness behind you fast!!!!!!!!!

You want revenge????? go screw one of her girlfriends!

[wayner]

$&@ this is tough

[wayner]

Originally Posted by Gretch

THAT attitude will put the ugliness behind you fast!!!!!!!!!

When I was a kid and people doubted me and told me I couldn't do something, a mysterious voice inside my head always answered "just watch me!"

As an adult I lost that more recently somewhere along the way. The answer more often came back as " your probably right..."

As tough as things are, I was surprised this afternoon when I heard that old familiar voice again as if coming from someone standing beside me. "oh yea, just watch me"

Bookmarking this page

[varmint]

Recurring theme is how many guys seem blind sided by the wife wanting out.


Were there signs you only now recognize?

[Gretch]

I got out............ because she hated me......... I didn't realize she actually hated herself and I was her excuse.

kinda boiled me like a frog...... real slow so I hardly noticed....... the being drunk every other night was the last straw.....

and once I decided to get out it got REAL ugly!

25 years ago, like it was yesterday........ I WISH she was the one that wanted out.......

[sand_man]

Originally Posted by Baz

It's a great song Baz. Even with my hardcore punk roots, I'm a sucker for love songs. I think it was Willie Nelson who said, love (heartbreak) is what makes the jukebox play...or something like that. The theme of unrequited love is one that I'm often drawn to in song. These two songs floor me. The first one because I did finally give up...right, wrong, or indifferent, a decision I'll always live with...a decision that impacted so many lives


And this one, because at the time I could relate to that lyric: "my inside is outside, my right side is on the left side..." It's a terrible feeling...having your heart broken...going through some"stuff"

[wayner]

I dunno

Every day waking up for me was a new day
Perhaps for her each day brought another list of grievances to add to the hidden pile that I was unaware of or thought had been dealt with?

I dunno. I'll leave it to smarter people than me to figure out.

[sand_man]

Originally Posted by Gretch

I got out............ because she hated me......... I didn't realize she actually hated herself and I was her excuse.

kinda boiled me like a frog...... real slow so I hardly noticed....... the being drunk every other night was the last straw.....

and once I decided to get out it got REAL ugly!

25 years ago, like it was yesterday........ I WISH she was the one that wanted out.......

Boy does this ever sound familiar!!!!!

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Originally Posted by Gretch

she actually hated herself and I was her excuse.

This needs to be taught to everyone on the planet (myself included) Have your own issues? Fine, but don't blame others for it. I try not to in my own life, but get pi$$ed when others didn't get the memo.


Good luck Wayne! First couple of weeks/months are the worst, then things get better. Hang in there!

[KFC911]

Tough times, but you've got the right attitude...

Best to you Wayner...

[Steve F]

Wayner, I always enjoyed your posts and your adventures for what it's worth...major bummer on whats going on now. I wish you all the best and feel that you really have a grip on this regardless if you don't think so today. If you were just a little closer to So.Cal. beers would be on me, not that fixes anything, but good intentions. One day at a time....

Best, Steve

[LEAKYSEALS951]

***we interrupt this thread for a p-car story related to divorce****

I remember shortly after getting divorced, I sat alone in my driveway on new years eve with my (new to me) 951. Underneath, I toiled away. It was 20 degrees out and every part of the car I touched was as cold as death and sucked the warmth and life out of my aching hands.

At precisely midnight, a new year was rung in. In the background, fireworks rang off and people shouted. Alone, under the 951, at precisely new years, I tried to bleed the hydraulic clutch (maybe I was disconnecting it- I don't remember), but failed, and cold 20 degree fluid splattered down all over my face. I just sat there, alone, stuck on the dolly, under the car, letting it drip all over me as other's were celebrating.

For me, that was the low point.

Two take home points- don't buy a 944/951 and try to work on it in the driveway at night in the winter/ and 2. things only went up from that point! Hang in there!