After 21 years... she's leaving

[Baz]

Originally Posted by pavulon

I once heard that men tend to not get over relationships. Instead, they finally just move on. Women, on the other hand, generally do get over it sooner and much more fully.

Women are machines.......the sooner you realize that the better you will understand them....and how to handle yourself properly in a relationship.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by Baz

Women are machines.......the sooner you realize that the better you will understand them....and how to handle yourself properly in a relationship.

Are you serious? Where is your $19.95 video on how to handle the woman "Machine". I call horse pucky.

After three failed marriages, with two of the three wanting me back, I can at least rub one out tonight without fear of getting caught. Dirt cheap.

Then I will eat a bloomin' farkin onion with spicy ranch and a couple of Klondikes.

To hell with eating figurative dog poop to make some nut with a rubber butt happy.

[Crowbob]

Included in the tribulations on my road to peace, and being a warrior for father's rights, I discovered there are always two sides to every story.

For a few years, I fielded questions and offered layman's guidance to men in the throes of their divorces. Many times, upon receiving a promising case and asking to peruse the official file, the reality was more likely than not absolutely nothing like what we were led to believe it was.

So, after being served a few menacing letters from the local Bar Association to 'immediately cease and desist' giving legal advice absent a license to practice law in the State of Michigan, we organized ourselves and collected what money we could to procure a real life lawyer to assist our little band of merry men.

A trusted member of our group, tasked with keeping the cash for us, promptly absconded with it and silently disappeared into the night.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

A trusted member of our group, tasked with keeping the cash for us, promptly absconded with it and silently disappeared into the night.

Looks like you went through the same vetting process with respect to this guy that I did before I married my future ex-wives.

[Crowbob]

Vetting?

These poor souls we tried to help could barely afford the gas to attend our meetings. The cost of vetting would have exhausted our meager funds, even if the vetting was free.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of many a broken man crying.

[Crowbob]

One interesting but disheveled individual who attended a few of our strategerings was subsequently arrested for piloting his plane above the waves of the Straits of Mackinac but just barely below the main span of the famed Mackinac Bridge.

Another attendee carrying the aura of an engineer complete with a vinyl pocket protector also sported a brass name tag that proclaimed his name to be Rocket Scientist.

Vetting? Where would we start such a process and with whom should we have begun?

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by pavulon

It is a mystery to me that some (seemingly many) seem to barely miss a beat and get past it in a few weeks while others languish for so long?

I once heard that men tend to not get over relationships. Instead, they finally just move on. Women, on the other hand, generally do get over it sooner and much more fully.

That because they know they can get another guy anytime, even the fat ugly ones have that ability to get laid on command.

As for breakups, you get used to it. You figure out the symptoms, and how to overcome them. Either that, or I've never actually loved any of these chicks.

PS reading these horror stories is putting knots in my stomach, it's PTSD. Been there, done that.

Some of the evil things that women have done to me, and guys I know, I am poisoned now. Believe me, I'm not a nice guy if one gets smart or plays the games with me, heck I'm not even civil. There is no benefit of the doubt as far as I'm concerned. Once you lose your sanity over a woman, you have lost yourself.

Never again. To me it's war.

Any woman around me, had better have her **** together, or I will crap on her. Not worth my time to pity them.

[RANDY P]

I can't even bring myself to apologize to a woman I fight with anymore. I'd rather just go off, then stay gone. Write it off, find another.

rjp

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

As rattlesnak eloquently notes above, recovery is as individual as your fingerprint. For me, bitterness was the fuel for my engine of survival. It took many years for me to correctly identify the source of that bitterness. During that time, there were extended periods early on where even my parents sustained my unspeakable wrath. It passed. Just as a visceral hatred that I had never previously known to be able to exist was directed at my ex. also passed. Eventually, one day, against even my own will, the faint light of dawn pierced the darkness and toxicity to which I had escaped and had allowed myself to dwell.

I think I'm here, but towards the female attitude in general.

rjp

[john70t]

(On Father's Day and for pops who was not appreciated enough.)

I met her at dad's rental house. She had been a nurse for decades.
She'd arrived in town only a few years before from a bad relationship where she she lost everything to a psycho she was living with in the sticks. The story changed a bit. But her best-friends husband (who I later became good friends with) told me she had a psychotic episode and walked away leaving everything, and that was just a repeat behavior. I do know she lost the house given to her by an ex to move to those sticks.
She didn't want to talk about it.

She liked to say that pops was her savior. Her everything. Then pops came down with the bad kind of dementia and went into a nursing home. But she visited him only twice during two and a half years, and only with prompting. She was a nurse mind you and he was her savior whom she owed everything to.
She said it was too painful to think about.

Through her mother's passing, her lengthy menopause and more I held her hand and my gonads. I bought her a car, two cars, tires for both and oil. Vacations. I did my part always while she contributed the bare minimum for costs and took the lions share. She was now making $55+k/yr at her new job while I went through near bankruptcy due to legal fraud.
But she always contributed the minimum.

Then the roles reversed and I needed help with health care. She easily could sign me onto her policy for free, but she refused for a long while.
Every discussion ended with 'I don't want to talk about it' or 'I'm moving out'.

When she pulled some major crap during my father's funeral, and again threatened to move out, I finally believed her. I finally asked her to move and helped her get settled. Best o luck. She's now wanting to hook up again.

I'm not too bright and a bit slow but eventually I learn the lesson.
I've heard 'no' enough times to finally believe it.

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by notfarnow

I'm eating a hamburger while laying on the couch. Know who's gonna be pissed about that? No one.

Exactly. The last thing I care about is the "Female POV".

She don't like it? GTFO. They are certainly annoying, always have something to say about everything a guy does. Everything. Can't just shut up.

rjp

[sc_rufctr]

..... There's lots I could post her but frankly I don't feel like dredging up the past.

But I will post one story.

My ex got a loan for a car in our joint names 4 years after our divorce was finalized.
She forged my signature and proof of income papers and took delivery. She was working part time and was renting an expensive apartment in the city so money must have been tight.

She soon got behind in her payments and the bank she got the loan from contacted me directly.
After I explained to them that I live in a different state and that I hadn't actually signed any of the documents things got very messy.
The police got involved (not me, the bank). She now has a record for fraud and had to wear a home detention device on her ancle for 18 months.
Lost the car and her credit rating was ruined and guess what. According to her it was all my fault. I still laugh about that one... lol

I really miss having her in my life

[RANDY P]

It's all about them and their needs, at any cost. That's justification enough. They are #1.

Never ever keep a needy woman around, not even as a friend. It never works in your favor. A needy woman + what I just wrote above, is a sure recipe for disaster.

rjp

[SCadaddle]

Many past relationships but never married now at 53. One of the more memorable ones was a woman with a 21 year old daughter that had been married twice; daughter from the first marriage. This woman and her daughter lived together but absolutely hated each other. The drama was endless. So at 21, the daughter gets married and bans the mother from the rehearsal dinner. Apparently the fact that the daughter had previously slept with the best man was too much to risk the night before the wedding. Never could figure out the hate between those two.

Then one day, driving down the road with the girlfriend, for some reason I ask her about her second husband from 10 years ago. Deceased. Apparently, when the daughter was 11 he was accused of molesting her. Mother and daughter approach police and lay out the story. Police say they will call call him and tell them the wife and daughter were in a car wreck and he needs to come down to the station. He shows up, gets charged and makes bail.

Next day husband #2 is found sitting in his truck in a remote wilderness area. Wildlife officer pulls up to see what is going on and husband #2 puts a gun to his head. Before the officer gets to him, he pulls the trigger.

That doesn't do it so he pulls the trigger once more.

Now with 2 bullets in the head he manages to once again pull the trigger and add a third.

Did I mention that Husband #1, father of the daughter, was the local Fire Chief?

Wasn't long after, I flat out walked out of that relationship. This woman was absolutely nuts and I was convinced she had blood on her hands. 2 years later she marries another dude. 10 years go by, both of us in the same community never having a run in and then one night enjoying a Chinese buffet she walks up to me in the dim light to speak. How you doing, yeah, fine, bye.

I couldn't finish my egg drop soup before my cell phone makes a tone and notice she has sent me a facebook friend request from the parking lot. Yeah right. I didn't even care enough to have my own Sam Kinison moment.

[sc_rufctr]

"SCadaddle"

I experienced a similar thing a few years ago. I started seeing a girl I met online.
Things were good between us but a few weeks in she and her mother were making accusations about her ex molesting their daughter.
She told me "her mother was a psychic and she could sense there was something inappropriate going on".
Soon a government agency was involved and the **** began to hit the fan. At that point I walked & never looked back.

[jhynesrockmtn]

If I could delete one bit of history from my brain it would be the evening we told her. That will absolutely haunt me for the rest of my life.

Telling our 13 and 15 year old almost 10 years ago is also the worst single experience I've had. I curled up in a ball later and just bawled. Fast forward to 10 years later and with a focus on the kids, putting egos and hurt aside, they are happy well adjusted adults who have thanked us for how we handled things. They now have many reference points with friends who have had divorced parents use them as weapons in their petty wars.

It does get better as the good memories replace the bad ones. My Mom ended up in the hospital the other day. My ex called to check on her. We will always have the connection of having kids and growing up together.

[sand_man]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

...According to her it was all my fault. I still laugh about that one... lol

I really miss having her in my life

I can relate to this sentiment. This was a lot of the mental stuff I suffered through. It was ALWAYS my fault!!!! Even if I were no where near an incident (sitting behind my desk at work across town, while she was a stay at home mom) and something went wrong on the home front, it was some how my fault! Even if it made no sense to assign fault or blame to the situation!!!! I won't ever tolerate that sort of BS again. NOT EVER! No more head games! I was young and dumb and inexperienced when I married. And I feel that as the marriage grinded on, I became more aware of my surroundings and what my requirements were as a man. This no longer fit...and there was no changing it.

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by sand_man

I can relate to this sentiment. This was a lot of the mental stuff I suffered through. It was ALWAYS my fault!!!! Even if I were no where near an incident (sitting behind my desk at work across town, while she was a stay at home mom) and something went wrong on the home front, it was some how my fault! Even if it made no sense to assign fault or blame to the situation!!!! I won't ever tolerate that sort of BS again. NOT EVER! No more head games! I was young and dumb and inexperienced when I married. And I feel that as the marriage grinded on, I became more aware of my surroundings and what my requirements were as a man. This no longer fit...and there was no changing it.

Werd.

It can't be your fault if you aren't around to her the b***hes complaints. If you happen to get one of those, leave. No discussion, no trying to "understand", leave. Not worth the headache.

They get their ability to manipulate by staying in front of them. If you dispose of 'em, no more issue.

rjp

[WolfeMacleod]

Sooo... it looks like we're telling stories, eh?


Just after I turned 21, I ran into a girl I had been seeing, but who had wandered off. When I ran into her again, she had a baby. She said it was mine. I did the math, and it worked out. No way to prove it, and I believed her. We started seeing each other again, but after a month or so, she vanished again. I was never able to find her after that.

In 2008, when my wife left, she told me that I should go find her and my child. I had tried for years and came up with nothing. I started using Google and digging deep. Eventually I found her living in Missouri. She had just come to WA state for a family visit.

We meet.
I'm told me child passed away.
We get back together. By now, she has two other kids.

She moves in, in Feb of 2009. I buy a used but nice BMW X5 as a hauler, and rent a big house. We move from the small apartment. Things go to hell in a handbasket very quickly, and over the course of five months somehow she drains me of my life savings. With the economic crash, that was bad. Really bad.

In July, She want to go see mom in Missouri, and wants to drive the X5. I say no because it needs brakes.
She takes off in her car... and never comes back.

Then I'm served with a paternity test. Yep, she's pregnant.

Then I get told by her mother that the child I thought I had with her earlier wasn't mine. And wasn't even hers. It was her niece.

I've never seen or spoke to my daughter.

Not a happy father's day for me.

[LeeH]

Not feeling social at the moment. Spent much of yesterday home listening to music and on Facebook or Pelican while my daughter finished up a week at leadership camp and was picked up by her mom.

Got the idea to put together a collage of pics of me and my daughter as a Father's Day gift to myself... to remind me that I spent years one on one with her and that we have something that won't go away just because the marriage did.

I'd be embarrassed to admit how much time I've spent staring at this since I put it together.