After 21 years... she's leaving

[wayner]

Note to self:
-Find a client in So.Cal. so that I can get free beer (do not drink so much that I buy a 951 while I am there)

[sc_rufctr]

[2porscheguy]

Originally Posted by wayner

Note to self:
-Find a client in So.Cal. so that I can get free beer (do not drink so much that I buy a 951 while I am there)

If you're ever out in southern AB, the same deal applies Wayner!

[wayner]

Careful or I'll start a "have Wayner will travel" thread!

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by varmint

Recurring theme is how many guys seem blind sided by the wife wanting out.

Were there signs you only now recognize?

They were more obvious after the fact than during. I guess I was idealistic in my first one and couldn't believe she would cheat on me. On paper, it would never make sense for 2 young engineers to split up. In 1991, a combined income of over $100K at 25/26 years old.

Looking back, I can specifically detail 5 affairs she had over the years. There are another couple of people I now think she slept with.

I was away a lot. I was an international Field Engineer starting up large power plants around the world. I would be away for 2-3 months at a time and there might be a 15 minute phone call per week. Situation was kind of like being deployed in the Military in the 1980's.

I guess on my first trip back to the states after we married, at some point, while very drunk at a party at our place, she took off her ring and threw it across the room and said "I now feel totally unencumbered".

When I got an assignment back in the states, for about 3 months we were working in different cities. We closed out her apartment and she stayed with a friend. He was male. I expect she had been playing around with him for some time. She was pretty unhappy at moving time.

My local assignment finished and I was back on the road and she was now in a new city. I was in and out and then was able to get a local assignment. We bicycled together and got along pretty well. I was pretty busy when we hit startup phase, so there were times I was only home for 6 hours at night.

She needed to practice canoeing for an "adventure" Olympic Triathlon (too cold to swim in October). So she took off for 4 days. Later I found out that one of her co-workers was also out the same week. I ran into his wife years later and they indeed were having an affair. I guess the wife suspected something and it ended. Her "boyfriend" was doing a lot of her work. (kind of he M.O., as I did this with her in college). She lost her job due to incompetence when she had to do her own work. So she came on the road with me.

She ran off with the next guy. He was a mutual friend; I knew him and his wife quite well. We were all staying in the same extended stay hotel. He seemed to like to grab her hand and jokingly say "Always take small children by the hand", when we were doing stuff together. He was about 15 years older than us, and not very good looking. Never really thought anything of it.

When she ran off, a couple of weeks after he moved back to his home position. I called his wife, she told me she thought they were having an affair. Later I found really insane crappy love letters, etc.

Using above situations, and how she used to talk about stuff, it is possible that she slept a couple of others around the summer of 1990, in the Lenox/Stockbridge area. I also now suspect she was having an affair with the Dept. Chairman in the Civil Engineering office in college (86-88). I think she also slept with one of her bosses (leading to the eventual firing).

There were signs. Always wanting to do things with those guys. Always being a "little too close" to those guys. Not being around or not answering when I called. This was way before cell phones common.

So yeah, if I had been a bit less idealistic and had taken the warning signs a bit more seriously, I might have figured it out.

Second Wife, I'm pretty sure (now) that she slept with a couple of ex-boyfriends while we were married. She was EXTREMELY discreet if she did. I mostly suspect this now because she cheated on her boyfriend (now husband), with me, after we were divorced...

[Jeff Alton]

Wayner,

Sorry to hear. Been there. In the long run, best thing that ever happened. Happily remarried, have an amazing son with me full time from first marriage. It absolutely changed my life, in the best possible way.

You can head to the west coast of our fair land for free beers and car/shop talk anytime. I am easy to find...

Cheers

[black_falcon]

Originally Posted by varmint

Recurring theme is how many guys seem blind sided by the wife wanting out.

it is encoded in the sloot DNA to sloot around, it's a struggle for them NOT to sloot. Just gotta chin up and move on.

[LeeH]

Wayner - watch this movie! Beg your future ex to watch this movie BEFORE hiring a lawyer!



I've left out a lot of detail about our situation, out of respect for my ex. I will say that early on there was a time where she was saying we just needed to get lawyers. Thankfully, we discussed it and ended up in mediation. I feel she came out ahead on the deal as she gets the benefit of her pilot career (now with FedEx), which she dearly loves, while I'm struggling to come up with a way to make a living after being self employed and a stay at home parent. The asset split was in my favor, but in the long run I think she's way better off.

My experience is in accounting (bookkeeping), which I loathe, and the only reason my experience is in accounting is that it was the thing I could do from home, part time while staying home with our daughter. So... years of experience, not really qualified for higher level positions, and I hate the work.

The up side to all of this is that my ex and I are on really great terms. I'm told that in the divorce support group I referenced earlier that I'm often discussed as an example of how good a post divorce relationship can be with the ex.

[Gretch]

"I'm told that in the divorce support group I referenced earlier that I'm often discussed as an example of how good a post divorce relationship can be with the ex."

Just remember, it takes two to tango........

And for what it is worth, there are plenty of studies that show the primary bread winner does way better economically than the other spouse. A couple generations have made some change as people married in the 50s often split the duties of bread winner and domestic manager cleanly where it is much more blurred now.....

20 years later, one ends up living the good life, the other is hounded by bill collectors.

[LeeH]

Originally Posted by Gretch

Just remember, it takes two to tango........

And for what it is worth, there are plenty of studies that show the primary bread winner does way better economically than the other spouse. A couple generations have made some change as people married in the 50s often split the duties of bread winner and domestic manager cleanly where it is much more blurred now.....

20 years later, one ends up living the good life, the other is hounded by bill collectors.

There were plenty of times where either one of us could have changed the tone from nice to nasty. Thankfully we got through the hard parts still on good terms.

Time will tell regarding our financial futures. If she stays healthy and can keep her pilot's license until retirement, she'll be very well off. if I can generate enough income to pay the bills until retirement I'll be okay, too... just won't have near the nest egg she will.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by LeeH

There were plenty of times where either one of us could have changed the tone from nice to nasty. Thankfully we got through the hard parts still on good terms.

Time will tell regarding our financial futures. If she stays healthy and can keep her pilot's license until retirement, she'll be very well off. if I can generate enough income to pay the bills until retirement I'll be okay, too... just won't have near the nest egg she will.

Are you still bookkeeping?

If you are, I'd like to chat.

[Fast Freddy 944]

Originally Posted by LeeH

Most, but not all of our mutual friends on Pelican already know this...

My wife and I have been married for 21 years. Things haven't always been perfect, but I thought they were pretty good. She came home from her 2.5 months of 747 training in Miami and announced she'd been happier without me and felt the opposite as soon as she returned home.

I tried to give her everything she ever wanted and have been her biggest supporter/cheerleader in all of her endeavors. We had our differences. I worked hard to accept them as such... differences, not things that needed to be changed or fixed. Sadly, I don't think she was able to get to the same place.

I'll refrain from going into details of our history, but after hanging out with you lot for the past 16 years felt the need to post the news here.

I was divorced due to a wife that loved "girls nite out". She loved to party with the gals and guys and come home just lie to me saying that she needed to get out. I caught wind of her "boyfriend" and that was it. I went to the big "d" and I don't mean Dallas! We split up, divorced, and settled everything. It hurt for a lil bit. But I got over it. Our incomes were pretty close, although mine was a little higher, due to time spent on the job. I noticed you said she was training for 747 piloting? Are you a pilot to. Sometimes if 1/2 of a couple makes the big cash, they pretty much call the shots! And the other party is pretty much left to being a "lesser" hate to say it, but I have a buddy who is a engeneer, but his wife is a laywer, she pulls in the dough, and he takes up the maternal duty. My advice is go find an gal closer to you financial status, and go from there. It gets better!

[billybek]

Sorry to hear of your troubles, Wayner.
I am another one of those guys that after 10 years my ex-wife wanted out.
There were (fortunately for me) no kids and it was pretty straight forward but I went to the best lawyer I could afford to put together a separation agreement that eventually became the divorce agreement.
DO NOT just say she can have the property/possessions. Get your lawyer to hammer out what belongs to who at a very early stage an leave nothing on the table that can be questioned later on. (RRSPs, pensions property possesions)
You need your fair share to get on with your life without her.
Ask friends and business associates who they or their friends used for legal representation.
A bad lawyer will cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars after the legal fees has been paid!
Get on that ASAP!!!!
I wish you the best and I know what it is like to be gutted this way.
Admittedly I handled it the way most hardworking tradesmen would handle the situation.
I drank. A lot!
Didn't take too long to get my **** together and move on.

[Fast Freddy 944]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

LOL! so true, so true!

[Don Ro]

Saw an online photo, T-shirt-wearing babe, recently - "I have the pussy so what I say goes."

[Fast Freddy 944]

Originally Posted by Don Ro

Saw an online photo, T-shirt-wearing babe, recently - "I have the pussy so what I say goes."

LOL! Id get a kick out of seeing that!

[Don Ro]

Here ya go...different wording.
.

[Fast Freddy 944]

Originally Posted by Don Ro

Here ya go...different wording.
.

Lol! That's good Don! By the looks of her the shirt couldn't be further from the truith! LOL

[2porscheguy]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

The first part should actually read..."I have tits give me ALL OF YOUR stuff!

[Charles Freeborn]

Originally Posted by Fast Freddy 944

Lol! That's good Don! By the looks of her the shirt couldn't be further from the truith! LOL

SO's shirt reads " I break all the rules" ..... so there....