After 21 years... she's leaving

[billybek]

Originally Posted by wayner

That sounds easier
I've been trying a brick upside my head

That will work too!
That is until you can't remember why you are hitting yourself in the head with a brick...

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by wayner

Is it worth doing all of this woman stuff all over again?

I asked myself that a lot. I spent a lot of years being single and not expecting to do the marriage thing again. Then one day, when I wasn't looking ...
And life has never been so good.

[recycled sixtie]

[QUOTE=wayner;9491740]Is it worth doing all of this woman stuff all over again?

You likely need time to heal up. There is that chance that you can make a mistake again.
That is really hard to witness like my wife's brother who is on his second marriage. He is grinding it out(not in a good way) with his second wife but still married.

I think there is no in between with a wife. Either she is a good wife or a bad wife. And having a female friend with similar interests is important. If in doubt wait.

[wayner]

We were friends for 5 years before the spark

We married and were best friends for 25 years
The last two years ( I made a mistake we've been married 27)
I began to see changes

I barely recognize this person today
Our last discussion was brutal

Read up on perimenapause
I think it has stolen my wife's brain

I'm looking behind the shed for signs of pods

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by wayner

We were friends for 5 years before the spark

We married and were best friends for 25 years
The last two years ( I made a mistake we've been married 27)
I began to see changes

I barely recognize this person today
Our last discussion was brutal

Read up on perimenapause
I think it has stolen my wife's brain

I'm looking behind the shed for signs of pods

Though we weren't married, I went through this with a long time (9 years) girlfriend years ago...

Slowly our relationship faded...last two years were pure hell as I tried to keep it together....futility .

....life is good now

[wayner]

Of course, then there is the possibility that I am a complete ******* and don't know it, and may have unwitingly caused much of this myself...

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by wayner

Of course, then there is the possibility that I am a complete ******* and don't know it, and may have unwitingly caused much of this myself...

She didn't tell you that you were a complete ********, and you've just now figured it out ?

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by wayner

Of course, then there is the possibility that I am a complete ******* and don't know it, and may have unwitingly caused much of this myself...

If I remember the feeling many years a go when I separated there is a turmoil of emotions going on inside my head. I never did go for counselling. I bent the ears of the my coworkers. I am sure it is easy to blame oneself or the other disproportionately.

That is why I think a good counselor comes in(although I did not use one but prob should have). I would not blame yourself. Sh-t happens. The health system or voluntary org. may supply an objective counselor. Well worth it just to vent. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Cheers, Guy

[Don Ro]

Originally Posted by wayner

Of course, then there is the possibility that I am a complete ******* and don't know it, and may have unwitingly caused much of this myself...

Married 27 years and you two have not gone through couple's counseling?
You might ask her to go in order to have a clear idea of why this is happening...for yours' and her own education...otherwise, a good risk that one or both of you will repeat on your "next".

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by wayner

We were friends for 5 years before the spark

We married and were best friends for 25 years
The last two years ( I made a mistake we've been married 27)
I began to see changes

I barely recognize this person today
Our last discussion was brutal

Read up on perimenapause
I think it has stolen my wife's brain

I'm looking behind the shed for signs of pods

I'm convinced this is what happened to my ex. Her "niceness" disappeared.
And today she's huge... If she even looks at food she puts weight on.

[wayner]

-20 tonight

Checked in to a bed and breakfast to be around people

Nobody is here this weekend. Phew, I was afraid I was going to have to talk to someone

[Jeff Alton]

Originally Posted by wayner

Of course, then there is the possibility that I am a complete ******* and don't know it, and may have unwitingly caused much of this myself...

Wayner,

Don't take this the wrong way, but the first thing I did when I split with my ex (I kicked her out) was ask myself how much I contributed. It does take 2 to tango as they say. Not saying that means you are at fault by any means, but a situation like this does present an opportunity to take a good look at oneself. I know I made some significant changes in my life outlook post split.

It sucked when we split. Day after my son's second birthday. In the long run it was the best thing that could have happened to me. She probably feels the same way, but I never asked her...

[Baz]

"It cuts like a knife....but it feels so right..."
~ Bryan Adams

[wayner]

Originally Posted by Baz

"It cuts like a knife....but it feels so right..."
~ Bryan Adams

BWAaaaa! That was our first concert...

Better day today.
Looking at a new property.

Originally Posted by Jeff Alton

Wayner,

Don't take this the wrong way, but the first thing I did when I split with my ex (I kicked her out) was ask myself how much I contributed...

Jeff, I think that is good advice, there seems to be a common thread here and I think Don and others have been sharing your sentiment. Believe me. The next year is going to be a bunch of finding out who I am and want to be. And I am absolutely certain that there is a minefield full of women out there who have NOT done the same. If I couldn't make this work, I am pretty happy with the idea of being single now. I have no need for dating.

Oh, and looking forward to some spring skiing in the Canadian rockies soon. I went there once, said I was going to go back every year, then got married and life got in the way. Looking forward to finally going back. Maybe Ill look you up at that end of the country

[Oh Haha]

Like Jeff stated, after my divorce I took time for myself and looked at it as a fresh start.

During that time I lost 55 pounds, took a promotion at work and moved 80 miles away from my hometown. It was the best thing to happen, in my case.

It was during that time that I set the goal of buying a 911 for going through the divorce without hurting anyone.

Times will be dark for you but keep hope that they WILL get better.

[wayner]

Dropping 55 lbs must have felt good!


For me, well, at the risk of coming across creepy...,
the last 6 weeks of living at the gym morning and night has started to rapidly change scrawny old me from the old man scarecrow that I had become leading up to this. Getting to this point hurt A LOT! (in a good way)

Over 1/2 a century old I'm now in the best shape of my life
Im sure that this is the first of many positive things to come out of this event

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by wayner

Dropping 55 lbs must have felt good!

Dropping 110 lbs felt even better in my case...didn't feel like it at the time however

[wayner]

Losing that kind of weight is s huge accomplishment!

As that picture on the last page shows, I'm pretty happy with the way I've PUT ON weight

[Oh Haha]

Originally Posted by KC911

Dropping 110 lbs felt even better in my case...didn't feel like it at the time however

It did. I was 30 and bad habits had caught up with me. I didn't work out, though. I simply changed what I was eating and drinking. I worked for a vending company so it was easy to snack.

No more soda and garbage food. The job itself is a lot of walking and motion so the weight just fell off. I lost a little over 40 pounds in 5 months. Friends thought I was sick or had some disease. I did through sheer will power because I quit smoking cigs at the same time. Yeah, I know.

Hang in there, bud.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by wayner

Losing that kind of weight is s huge accomplishment!

....

Naw...she was full of hate and someone I didn't recognize anymore


edited: I'm making jokes while you're going through hell...
btdt, hang in there buddy!