After 21 years... she's leaving

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by wayner

As of tonight I rediscovered this thread...as I sit here eating mall food...wondering if mall security will have my truck towed while I am fast asleep in it tonight...add my name to the tally sheet...25 years...crap...

Sorry to hear it man. Lot's of good advice here.
All I have to add is to caution you to remember you can't give enough to make things better. Whether it's money, house, time with the kids - whatever - no matter what you offer to "make things better" or "make it go away fast" it's just going to be the opening bid for negotiations. It's easy to think about what you may have done to cause the problem - don't. There usually is no guiltless party. Start with "I'm keeping everything and you can go to hell" even if you don't mean it and negotiate a reasonable settlement from there. If you start at fair and reasonable you will get screwed.
Two divorces here. I learned the hard way.

[Crowbob]

Have you remarried, wd?

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

Have you remarried, wd?

Yes. Best decision I've ever made. I spent a lot of years being single because I didn't trust my Judgement. We knew each other for ten years - saw each other every day - and never suspected a spark. Then one day something clicked. I said, "if you got the nerve to go, I got the gall to call!" and it was on. I have never been happier in a relationship in my life.

[wayner]

Spent the weekend couch surfing, between two divorced friends houses. Gained some support and perspective.

Onward...

[Steve F]

Atta Boy! one day at a time

[recycled sixtie]

Yes Wayne you are doing well. Good for you.

[Fast Freddy 944]

Originally Posted by Charles Freeborn

SO's shirt reads " I break all the rules" ..... so there....

Haaaaa!

[Don Ro]

Speaking of women:
.
I find character to be an aphrodisiac.
I'll trade good looks, even stunning looks, for character any day. To me, it's all about the type of relationship a woman has with herself!!!
As long as she's not a battled-scarred zombie, that is.
I've found that some slightly overweight (curvaceous) women to be the most sensuous.
.
A wholesome sense of self-acceptance, unafraid of her own reality, radical honesty (psychological visibility), and communicative...Yum!!!
We all harbor some form of neurosis and if she's unwilling to speak to hers, color me GONE...because that's from where most of the relationship discordance comes from.
The fear (unwillingness) of disclosing one's 'back pages'...for fear of being rejected. This is where self-acceptance comes in.
.
So what happens when a couple splits? One or both goes right back out and runs the same dog & pony show on their "next", hoping to finally sell their BS to the "next".
As an ex-co director of a crisis center in CA, my experience, anyway.
.
Don't get me started.

[wayner]

Don, that was an interesting read.

I've decided that I am physically allergic to women.
I get stomach pains and watery eyes (no rashes yet though fortunately) though sometimes they make my head hurt.

I'm taking the year to evaluate life before making ANY major decisions about a lot of things. Wandering the earth like Caine, as a buddy of mine kept saying after his. (some of you will get the reference).

Im just not willing to put in the effort with another
After the emotional wringer of the last bunch of weeks, this week, I find that acceptance becomes me
(wavering acceptance right now mind you, but acceptance none the less)

Woman are pretty far down that decisions list right now, in fact so far down I don't think the page is long enough.
.
.
.
.
.

[sammyg2]

Over the years I've noticed a tendency in women.
It isn't bullet-proof but it's right more than it's wrong. It applies mostly to younger women, and looses a little mojo as they gain in years:

If a woman's parents never got divorced, there's a pretty good chance she'll stick it out and try to make the relationship work.

If her parents got divorced, especially when she was in high school, she'll bail on you at the first drop of a hat.

[Don Ro]

Coming from personal experience, it's a wise move to learn as much as possible about personality structures so that one can know as early as possible who is appropriate for them...and who to avoid.
For example, more than we can imagine, there is a good deal of socio and psychopathic tendencies running around out there...whether realized by the person or not.
Some are aware of it and are gifted at hiding it.
.
Most folks who are serious about having a functionally wholesome relationship will seek counseling/therapy when they discover that they lack conflict resolution skills.
Those who refuse counseling/therapy, unless ordered by the courts, are to be avoided.
This is why, IMO, it's important to not let one's gonads make the decisions early on. If we wait long enough most "guest behavior" will drop off and that's when most folks' neurosis (even pathology) will present itself. We're all neurotic at some level, so it's not anything to fear or avoid. Moving into and through our neurosis, learning to not fear vulnerability, learning and actualizing conflict resolution skills, is the path to true intimacy. IMO, of course.
True intimacy is NOT getting naked and doing the double butt shuffle. In fact, that can be a strategy to hide out and avoid true disclosure.
.
In my own life I discovered that I was mistaking vulnerability and Humility for inferiority. So my ego (defendedness) was reticent to be truly open and disclose.
.
OK, I'm done

[wayner]

Made some notes in my journal

[Don Ro]

I guess I'm not done.
~~~~~~~
A funny (but often true) example of everyday neurosis.
.
So he's out in the boonies and has a flat tire. Looks in the trunk - no jack. He sees a dim light in the distance and sees that it's a farm house yard light.
As he's walking along he begins to think about and talk to himself about this scenario.
.
- "I'll ask for and even pay to borrow a jack."
- "I hope they do have a jack that they'll loan me."
- "What will I do if they don't have one?"
- "What if they have one and won't loan it out?"
- "What if they're nasty as hell to me and slam the door on me?"
.
So he knocks on the door, the home owner opens and says, "Hello stranger. What brings you here late at night?"
He says, "You can take your jack and shove it up your ass!!!"
.

[wayner]

Very unlike me, but in the end I certainly went to great lengths to come up with an overly elaborate story as to the real reason she was leaving.

She was trying to make the removal as painless as possible. Some recommend just tearing off the bandaid and getting it over with. After the many many weeks of slow removal one twinge of pain at a time, eventually I just chose to rip off the entire arm and be done with it.

[wayner]

Is it worth doing all of this woman stuff all over again?


Now maybe something like this would be worth it?

[Fast Freddy 944]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

It's amazing how a woman's mind and opinion can change overnight once she's convinced she can gain something, and you've fallen out of favor. Guilt doesn't exist for most of them.

Many are generally as faithful as their options.

rjp

Robert Plant of Zepplin sang on zep 1, soul of a woman was created below!

[wayner]

Hmmm

Trying to stop thinking of my self
Finding lots of information out there

https://mysecondspring.ie/menopause-symptoms/anxiety

[wayner]

Hard days are coming to an end
My new mantra



She doesn't deserve you, and even if she does it's going to take some time apart.

Get moved, settled, and become productive again first, then figure out what you want out of life

[red-beard]

Wayner: if you need it, try pain aversion therapy. Put a thick rubber band on your wrist. Anytime you catch yourself thinking about her, snap the rubber band.

[wayner]

That sounds easier
I've been trying a brick upside my head