After 21 years... she's leaving - Page 25

wayner · 05-03-2017, 05:41 PM

VERY cool...

LeeH · 05-25-2017, 10:38 PM

One year later...

Here's a post I put up on the Facebook divorce support group I joined shortly after my wife left. COMPLETELY changed my life!

"I've started, edited, and erased this post more times than I'll admit to. It's too easy to start adding details that would result in this becoming a novel. Here's the "short" version...
One year ago tonight, I asked my wife of 21 years if everything was alright. She was unusually distant, but wouldn't tell me why. All she said was that we needed to go out to dinner the next night to have a talk.
She told me the next night over dinner that she was leaving me. I knew she had been unhappy to some degree off and on for years, but found it hard to believe this was really happening. She always said that her finding happiness was her responsibility and not mine. I had dedicated my life to our little family of three, to helping her further her flying career. I really couldn't imagine what life would look like going forward. Counseling (again), begging, pleading. They all came to mind as I sat in the restaurant fighting back the tears (which would be given free rein later). No. My final gift to her was an easy exit. I vowed to take the high road throughout the process.

Fast forward to one year later and life is GREAT! Through a conscious effort on both our parts, our divorce was easy, amicable, and completed using mediation. We remain on excellent terms and get along fine with an easy, handshake arrangement coparenting our 17 year old daughter.
Through some miracle, I tripped across this group and have made lifelong friendships that energize me daily. I can't believe that a few minutes browsing Meet Up looking for a way to connect with fellow human beings changed my life so much.

Though amicable, the chaos and upheaval of divorce was difficult. But, by any measure, my life is truly happier now than it was a year ago. In fact, thanks to personal growth and the connections I've made here, I really feel like I'm happier now than I've ever been. To those of you in the thick of it, keep looking forward. Maybe a year from now, you'll look back and also declare you're living the happiest moments of your life."

911boost · 911boost's Garage

Great post Lee.

Glad to hear things are going well. My kids are a bit younger, but almost 5 years later, like you, my ex wife and I still get along, something I am thankful for daily.

KFC911 · 05-26-2017, 03:20 AM

Awesome update Lee....thanks for sharing!!!!

Gretch · 05-26-2017, 04:52 AM

glad it has worked out............. now go live your life FOR YOU!

recycled sixtie · recycled sixtie's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeeH

One year later...

Here's a post I put up on the Facebook divorce support group I joined shortly after my wife left. COMPLETELY changed my life!

"I've started, edited, and erased this post more times than I'll admit to. It's too easy to start adding details that would result in this becoming a novel. Here's the "short" version...
One year ago tonight, I asked my wife of 21 years if everything was alright. She was unusually distant, but wouldn't tell me why. All she said was that we needed to go out to dinner the next night to have a talk.
She told me the next night over dinner that she was leaving me. I knew she had been unhappy to some degree off and on for years, but found it hard to believe this was really happening. She always said that her finding happiness was her responsibility and not mine. I had dedicated my life to our little family of three, to helping her further her flying career. I really couldn't imagine what life would look like going forward. Counseling (again), begging, pleading. They all came to mind as I sat in the restaurant fighting back the tears (which would be given free rein later). No. My final gift to her was an easy exit. I vowed to take the high road throughout the process.

Fast forward to one year later and life is GREAT! Through a conscious effort on both our parts, our divorce was easy, amicable, and completed using mediation. We remain on excellent terms and get along fine with an easy, handshake arrangement coparenting our 17 year old daughter.
Through some miracle, I tripped across this group and have made lifelong friendships that energize me daily. I can't believe that a few minutes browsing Meet Up looking for a way to connect with fellow human beings changed my life so much.

Though amicable, the chaos and upheaval of divorce was difficult. But, by any measure, my life is truly happier now than it was a year ago. In fact, thanks to personal growth and the connections I've made here, I really feel like I'm happier now than I've ever been. To those of you in the thick of it, keep looking forward. Maybe a year from now, you'll look back and also declare you're living the happiest moments of your life."

Lee how did your daughter handle the break up?

billybek · billybek's Garage

Good to hear you are doing well!

jhynesrockmtn · 05-26-2017, 06:07 AM

Excellent update! Glad to hear things are going so well. Your work and her work to make this amicable will have long term benefits to all of you, especially your daughter. 10 years later, my kids, now 24 and 27 have both come to us and thanked us for how we handled things. We continue to all support each other in various ways and will be Grandparents for the first time next January.

LeeH · 05-26-2017, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by recycled sixtie

Lee how did your daughter handle the break up?

She shrugged it off on the surface. But her grades did drop a bit. She did a few counseling sessions, but overall seems fine. She truly is a trooper when it comes to swapping back and forth between places. Never once has she complained or had a negative comment. That has definitely helped.

The Facebook divorce group (where I originallyput that post I copied here) has been one of the most amazing happy accidents in my life. My brother said go on Meet Up. Find people. The people I found was this local divorce support group. This is NOT a sit around in a circle and complain sort of group. It's more of a social group. BUT, I developed very close connections with many of the people here. I definitely "lost" a lot of friends (though mostly very casual ones) in the divorce.

Since so many people in the group went through the entire divorce process together we are all extremely close. We hike, camp, party, dine together regularly. These are very close, intimate friendships that will last a lifetime. Certainly this was the key for my positive attitude towards life.

Interesting side note... there have been several couples that have formed out of this group. Even weddings. For now I'll omit details (including pics, so don't ask, but trust me, any of you would approve

), but I have been spending a lot of time with a wonderful woman I met there. We'll see how that goes. I was trying to not get my hopes up with her for quite a while, but I'm pretty confident I've completely lost that battle at this point!

Evans, Marv · 05-26-2017, 08:15 AM

Lee. This isn't true for everyone, so take it for what it means to you. A year after a break up of 20+ years is a relatively short time to begin attaching yourself emotionally to another lady. I'd vote for giving yourself at least another year of freedom from attachment. Of course this is coming from a guy that didn't remarry until twelve years after my divorce, but during that time I had lots of lady friends. My impression was through experiencing a number of different female personalities, I was a better judge of long term prospects. I wouldn't trade my wife now for a billionaire starlet.

Seahawk · 05-26-2017, 08:41 AM

Great news, Lee...put a smile on my face.

pwd72s · 05-26-2017, 08:46 AM

Thanks for clueing us in, Lee.

red-beard · red-beard's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evans, Marv

Lee. This isn't true for everyone, so take it for what it means to you. A year after a break up of 20+ years is a relatively short time to begin attaching yourself emotionally to another lady. I'd vote for giving yourself at least another year of freedom from attachment. Of course this is coming from a guy that didn't remarry until twelve years after my divorce, but during that time I had lots of lady friends. My impression was through experiencing a number of different female personalities, I was a better judge of long term prospects. I wouldn't trade my wife now for a billionaire starlet.

+1

I spent 5 years between marriages and had one long term relationship in the middle, that didn't work out. Take your time and make sure you know what _YOU_ want. And what you don't want. Take time to figure it out.

McLovin · 05-26-2017, 11:52 AM

Thanks for the update, I think of you from time to time and was wondering how it was going for you. Glad to hear it's going so well and you are entering a sunnier season of your life.

LeeH · 05-26-2017, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evans, Marv

Lee. This isn't true for everyone, so take it for what it means to you. A year after a break up of 20+ years is a relatively short time to begin attaching yourself emotionally to another lady. I'd vote for giving yourself at least another year of freedom from attachment. Of course this is coming from a guy that didn't remarry until twelve years after my divorce, but during that time I had lots of lady friends. My impression was through experiencing a number of different female personalities, I was a better judge of long term prospects. I wouldn't trade my wife now for a billionaire starlet.

Yes, and someone else posted he met is long term spouse a couple of weeks after he and his first wife split. I appreciate the concern. Not all the details about my marriage are posted here. I'm emotionally aware and have already not become emotionally attached to several outstanding women I've met because things weren't right for me.

Gretch · 05-26-2017, 04:29 PM

Still, no downside in auditioning several dozen candidates over the next year or two.......

"every one you pass up is one you didn't experience"

"walk down............ and do em all............."

Evans, Marv · 05-26-2017, 04:46 PM

Great Lee. Every situation is different. Glad you feel you are on the right path.

recycled sixtie · recycled sixtie's Garage

Yes Lee it is great to see that you are doing fine as well as your daughter. As mentioned above it is likely not good to hook up with another woman on a permanent basis too soon.

An old friend of mine whose wife passed away age 70 met another woman and they each have separate homes. I see nothing wrong with that. They each have a condo in the same building.

LeeH · 05-27-2017, 10:09 AM

Thanks again for the concern. And I do truly mean that. I'm not the sort to post details of my failed marriage here. With more facts I think there would be less concern. Plus... the woman I'm hanging out with is someone I met through more "organic" means... ie, not online dating. Got to know each other over time as part of a group, became friends, got closer... paused... got a little closer. We both have eyes wide open and are asking difficult questions. Time will tell.

john70t · 05-27-2017, 05:35 PM

A few days ago was my 'official' breakup with the ex.

We'd been together over a decade.
Mitigating circumstances, physical and emotional on her part, made it a relationship of convenience, on her behalf.

We were close lovers, then roommates, then friends, then distant acquaintances.
See the trend?
Every step was 100% on her part.

She asks favors and I do them. I ask favors and she balks and protests.
See the trend?
She borrows money, gets pissy about paying back and almost runs over my dog.

I'm old and the world is large.
I have no need for these people.