How about a joke thread?

[Black968]

[Jeff Hail]

[Black968]

[Bob Kontak]

Jewish joke

Two gentile acquaintances see each other on the street
One asks the other "How's business?"
The other says "Great!".

(Jerry Seinfeld)

[rcooled]

Originally Posted by Bob Kontak

The other says "Great!".

I'm not Jewish, and maybe I'm just a little slow today, but I don't get it.

[oldE]

Originally Posted by rcooled

I'm not Jewish, and maybe I'm just a little slow today, but I don't get it.

The premise is Jewish businessmen will always complain about how bad things are. Therefore gentile businessmen would do the opposite.
It wasn't his best work.
Best
Les

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by oldE

It wasn't his best work.

Sienfeld thought the joke was outstanding. I don't think he penned it, tho.

Another related is a gentile buys a suit. Asks how much. $395 says the guy who fitted him. Gentile says ok.

[Baz]

[red 928]

What do you call a priest who is also a lawyer?
Father-in-law.

[pwd72s]

One day a father, on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it was his daughter's birthday. He stops at a toy store and goes in and asks the salesperson, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean? “We have, work out Barbie for $19.95, shopping Barbie for $19.95, beach Barbie for $19.95, disco Barbie for $19.95, astronaut Barbie for $19.95, skater Barbie for$19.95, and divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The slightly miffed salesgirl rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's truck, Ken's house, Ken's fishing boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's dog, Ken's computer, one of Ken's friends, and a key chain made from Ken's testicles."

[dw1]

My first thought after hearing the news that Olaf Schultz ok'd the export of Leopard 2 MBT's to Ukraine:

For the very first time in European history, the phrase "German tanks are coming!" is actually GOOD news.

[Robert Coats]

Q: What is the second best sound in the world?
A: A pair of silk panties hitting the floor next to your bed.
.
.
.
Q: What is the best sound in the world?
A: Two pair.

[Jeff Hail]

Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!

Sam Kinison

[Aurel]

I was in Walmart using the restroom and just as I closed my stall door, a voice from the next stall said, “Hi! How are you?” Embarrassed... I said, “I’m aight!!" The voice said, "So what are you up to?” I said, “Ummm... Just trying to handle a little private business over here!” Then I hear, “Can I come over?” Annoyed... I said “Excuse me?!?!." Then the voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!"

[Superman]

Now that's funny!

[GH85Carrera]

[pwd72s]

A gas station owner in Virginia was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read "Free Sex with a Fill-Up.” Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his truck, and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close, the number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.”

A week later the same redneck, along with his buddy Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number, and the redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.” Bubba replied, "It ain't rigged. My wife won twice”.

[Aurel]

A truck driver was sitting at the counter of a diner having breakfast.

A group of four outlaw motorcyclists entered and all four sat at the counter, two on each side of him.

One of the bikers reached over and picked up the driver’s glass and drank the truck driver’s juice.

Another reached over and took his coffee cup and drank his coffee.

Another took a piece of toast off his plate. The fourth one took his bacon. The truck driver said nary a word, stood up, paid his check and left.

The bikers were laughing and one of them said to the waitress, “That guy’s not much of a man. We ate his breakfast and he never did a thing!”.

The waitress just smiled and said, “He’s not much of a truck driver either. He ran over four Harleys trying to get his Peterbilt out of the parking lot.”

[72doug2,2S]

Recently a scare crow won at an awards ceremony. Some questioned this decision, but it couldn't be argued with, he was, after all, out standing in his field.

[Aurel]

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order.

So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again.

Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.