Quote of the year Contest!

rammstein · 08:11 AM

Here is how it works- the quoted post must be from 1/1/2007-12/31/2007. Submit the quote by replying to this thread. If the committee (me) decides it passes into the semi-finals, it will be added RIGHT here, and then after the year concludes, those quotes having made it into the semi-finals will be placed into a poll with YOU voting for your favorite. Let the games begin!!!
EDIT: Please submit quotes in the same fashion as Moses has directly below. This allows the committee to see the quote in its context, verify its authenticity, and verify its date. Any other submission format cannot be considered. To post it correctly, find the quote in question, click the 'quote' button on the post, and then remove the unwanted lines before and after the desired quote, if necessary. Then, copy the whole text box (instead of hitting submit) and come back here and paste it into a reply here.

_____________________SEMI-FINALS__________________________
Current # semi-finalists (8)

(1)

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnco

so far I've learned from this BBS that since I shop at walmart, I'm low class, redneck, white trash, uneducated and live in a trailer. since I'm from the south my sister is my mother and I'm boinking my cousin and missing my teeth except for the one. since I drive a dually 4 door ford, all of the above applies, but I have a gunrack in the back window. since I'm not a believer in your god, I either think I'm smarter than you or some kind of wicked, ignorant, uneducated communist maybe even a homo. used to be people with Porsches had small penises, now I've learned it was the corvette I used to drive that is the sign. now I have feelings of inferiority and a need for attention because I had loud pipes?I dare not put my 911 on Ebay or I'll get ridiculed and analysed again if something, anything is not correct and the same as everyone else's Porsche. someone needs to write a book of rules of how I should live my life to make everyone but myself happy.

(2)

Quote:

Originally Posted by notfarnow

Joe,

I've had a splinter on the sole of my foot since Saturday. I've tried pressure, tweezers, needles all to no avail. It's been fking torture every step I take... I was considering going to the doctor.

I just went out to the garage and tried the Mityvac. Got the bugger out first try

if you were nearby I'd give you a fking handjob

(3)

Quote:

Originally Posted by livi

FLUFFER sounds rewarding. What is the job description ? Any experience on board ?

(4)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

"Cratch Slappin'" by P-O-P, (c) 2007, with sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss. It's the beer's fault. . .

So I'm with my new girl and she makes this request,
One evening while I'm busy fondling her breast.
It was weird! Unexpected! It took me aback!
She says her cratch she wants me to smack!
I'm stunned at first and don't reply,
But thinking about it, I guess I should try.
After all this is something she's asked me to do,
So my plan, my good friends, I'll now share with you:

If it's something she wants and something she needs,
I'm smackin' that ***** until it bleeds.

Although this is new and a little bizarre,
I'm gonna' smack it so hard, it might leave a scar.

If I can't satisfy her, she'll call me a wimp,
So it's time to become a cratch-slappin' pimp.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack 'til tender and puffy and red,
I'll smack it whenever she takes me to bed.

I'll smack that cratch all kinds of ways,
I'll smack it on even and odd-numbered days.

She's the one who wants me to try this technique!
I should oblige! It don't mean I'm a freak!
So I'll do what she asks and extend my hand,
Line up a good shot and then let it land,
With a "slap! slap! slap!" right on that place
That's usually covered with panties and lace.
And the "slap! slap! slap!" of skin on skin
I know will bring her a satisfied grin.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it silly!
I'll smack it the way I'd smack Milli Vanilli.

I'll smack it hard, I'll smack it light,
I'll smack it as if we were having a fight.

And at the end of it all, when the slappin's all done.
I know she'll be happy and say "that was fun".
She'll say it was great, she'll say it was nice,
But her cratch will need some aloe and ice.
'cause I'll do what she wants - I ain't holding back!
That cratch is gettin' my smack! smack! smack!

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it around!
I'll smack it until I hear that "slap!" sound!

I'll smack that cratch like a good boyfriend should,
Whether using my forehand or backhand - or wood.

(5)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kurt V

The gay in this thread is strong.

(6)

Quote:

Originally Posted by cairns

Be sure to see how many lights it has. Lights are important. That way you know the equalizer is working.

(7)

Quote:

Originally Posted by swang

I am sorry to have to ask such a question, but I am needing some advise.

I have recently been dating a new female and we have been enjoy sexual enterprises. She likes to watch the porno movies which I am greatly enjoying as well. There is something done in a lot of those movies that the girls seem to like but I am afraid of trying it so will ask if anyone here has to do this to their wives girlfriends.

In these movies the person is slapping cratch of the woman - many times in a row. The woman seems to really enjoy this. Can this be true or is it myth brought about by the movies?

Slap slap slap. like that.

What do you think?

-s

(8)

Quote:

Originally Posted by john walker's workshop

bring the wife, we'll dicker!

Moses · 08-24-2007, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rammstein

My poo smells like flowers.

berettafan · 08-24-2007, 09:08 AM

frogger

Bug Eating Member

Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 234 Quote:
Originally Posted by pope
OMG, I feel I can do anything now

thx!

That feeling will soon pass.

fingpilot · 08-24-2007, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moneyguy1

Reminds me of the story about the dairy farmer who thought it would be fun to use the milking machine for "relief". After a few minutes, he could not extracate his member from the machine and it was still running. In a panic, he called the machine's local service number on his cell phone. The service man told him not to worry. The machine was set to automatically shut down at the four gallon mark.

Loved this.....

onlycafe · 08-24-2007, 09:14 AM

so we can pick a quote from the future?

"Here is how it works- the quoted post must be from 1/1/2007-12/31/2007."

rammstein · 08-24-2007, 09:19 AM

Yes, you can pick a quote from the future- but if it doesn't actually happen at the designated time, it is disqualified and you bring shame to yourself and your ancestors. Something to think about...

In reality, the reason for the future dating is that this contest will run for the remainder of the calendar year.

Moneyguy1 · 08-24-2007, 09:31 AM

"My poo smells like flowers" is preferable to the opposite.

onlycafe · 08-24-2007, 09:31 AM

if only you had backdated the start line so we could have included execmalibu and the magic targa.

scottmandue · 08-24-2007, 09:36 AM

I liked this one:

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnco

so far I've learned from this BBS that since I shop at walmart, I'm low class, redneck, white trash, uneducated and live in a trailer. since I'm from the south my sister is my mother and I'm boinking my cousin and missing my teeth except for the one. since I drive a dually 4 door ford, all of the above applies, but I have a gunrack in the back window. since I'm not a believer in your god, I either think I'm smarter than you or some kind of wicked, ignorant, uneducated communist maybe even a homo. used to be people with Porsches had small penises, now I've learned it was the corvette I used to drive that is the sign. now I have feelings of inferiority and a need for attention because I had loud pipes?I dare not put my 911 on Ebay or I'll get ridiculed and analysed again if something, anything is not correct and the same as everyone else's Porsche. someone needs to write a book of rules of how I should live my life to make everyone but myself happy. I probably wear the wrong clothes also I'd bet.

johnco · 08-24-2007, 10:46 AM

will this be my 15 minutes of fame? I can die happy now.

the · 08-24-2007, 10:49 AM

"Real estate prices never go down."

-- Multiple PPOT Posters

Burnin' oil · 08-24-2007, 11:00 AM

Jp (jp)

daepp · 08-24-2007, 11:23 AM

"165MPH and 8500 RPM in a 72 2.4S"

BTW - whatever happened to Execmalibu?

}{arlequin · }{arlequin's Garage

"i love the iphone"
"i want the iphone"
"i got the iphone"
"iphone missing some features"
"i don't like the iphone anymore"
"i return my iphone"

cowtown · 08-24-2007, 11:59 AM

For sheer comic gold (albeit unwitting and unintentional), my all-time favorite is in two parts:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superman

Wow. Really, WOW! I just got done addressing this caricaturization problem you guys have

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superman

Frankly, I look at Republicans like I looked at Fastpat. As traitors.

Superman · 08-24-2007, 12:19 PM

I'm guessing some of my quotes here might make the finals, but it wouldn't be either of those two.

Sure, all generalizations are false and the two quotes above are amusing in combination. In truth, I know many Republicans who are quite reasonable. But yeah, people who oppose my government are traitors. That's kinda the definition. And the #1 Republican agenda seems to be to cripple the United States Government. The current "administration" is a case in point. A combination of deliberate anarchy and incompetence.

No wait. I can do better than that. Lemme think.......