Things are getting pretty bad..."Dad, I can't live like this anymore..."

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by svandamme

i hose works wonders if mine are to yappy.

Did you say iHose? Is Macintosh/Apple diversifying in tough times?

[M.D. Holloway]

A few days away then a pretty quite, solid weekend proved to be pretty benign. Thats OK - harmless is tolerable. At one point she was teasing me about something on Sunday morning and I jokingly said "OK honey, lets hug it out!" and I hugged her. You should have seen our lil one. She beamed! She started to giggle and say "ewwww! Mommy and Daddy are hugging! Kiss her Dad kiss her!" she screamed while she was laughing. Our Son just smiled and shook his head. The kids were happy. It felt good and no, I didn't kiss her. Mommy said "lets not press our luck".

Maybe she thought about what life would be like alone...

[Oh Haha]

Glad to hear some good news from your camp, Mike.

[M.D. Holloway]

She is a women who does not want to be a burden to others. I saw this when I re-scheduled our Son's Parent Teacher conference for Friday afternoon "Teachers don't want to stay after school! Why would you do that to them?" Aghh, because thats what they are expected to do? I serve our customers and do it better than anyone. I expect, no make that demand, a certain level of service when I drop cash down - my taxes are cash down. Yup, I'm a dick but I give and I get. Simple. (I made sure I didn't make a big deal about it - I do have to take time off from work and not so sure my boss isn't getting a bit pissed. Seems like every week I take a few hours here and there to do something for her or the family.)

We took our kids clothes shopping this weekend. I watched her fold all the clothes the kids tried on. A nice gesture for the fitting room attendant. I don't know many guys that do that. Yup, she's a pleaser alright.

[TSNAPCRACKLEPOP]

include the lil one in the kiss and hugging, like .."you kiss her first, then I will, " or a group hug, include the lil one.

you lucky dog, lubbie! wish i had one to hug!

[Gogar]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

She is a women who does not want to be a burden to others.

Maybe she will realize that her abuse of you is the biggest burden of all, and it's the only one that she can put a stop to immediately. The blindness and the depression is just filler.

[M.D. Holloway]

ya, for someone who can't see well she really can't 'see' well...

[M.D. Holloway]

Got to thinking about a saying, "If your covered in shyt, look at your back side; if its your shyt, do something about it if its not your shyt then you can't do anything about it".

My wife's blindness is not my shyt. Its her shyt. That is not to say I will not help or support her in her struggle but it seems like she isn't accepting the fact that this is her shyt. In turn she is taking it out on us.

This talk about divorce all seems to be a test. Like the emergency broadcast system.

Que loud unpleasant siren WWWRRRREEEEEEE!!!! "This is a test, this is only a test. In the event of a real emergency you would be given instructions..."

That is life on a daily basis. So why the test? Because she wants to see if I will stand the test? By going down the divorce road she can shuttle out one of two responses? Either I will or I won't grant her a divorce. Will I stay or will I go? The whoile thing is so illogical if defys reason and maybe that is just it. I have spent my entire adult life solving problems logically - in school studying chemistry, in grad school chemical engineering and in work from R&D to sales it is always to solve a problem. I am in the problem solving mindset and in the past 10 or so years, the lecture circuit. It is what I do and who I am. What I do during the day is not a job, its a vocation. I haven't workied in 10 years. Every day is fun and interesting and I am good at it becasue it fits with how I am built.

That fit doen't work in my preasent set of circumstances. She knows I have all the answers. That isn't what she is looking for. The problem is, I don't understand what she is needing from me. I told her recently to discribe the man she wants down to how he would talk to what he would say and I can be that guy. She just told me that "If I didn't know, she wasn't going to tell me!"

She doesn't need a problem solver, she just needs someone there. Maybe this is like pruning a bonzai tree - too much cutting will kill it. Too much water will kill it. Too much attention will kill it. Sometimes you just got to let it go to go on and live? Maybe that is my our Son's fish has lived so long - he feeds it about once a week if that...

A friend told me that the shyt that is going on is not my shyt but her's and the sooner she owns up to it the sooner the marrage and life will get back on track. To be there for her and not to get upset. So what to do with problems as they arise?

Well, as I see it there are three ways to handle a problem:
1) Solve it yourself
2) Pay someone to solve it for you
3) Don't solve it - its not your problem

This is where it gets dicey...

[Rikao4]

hang on for a while longer..
just maybe..
?..has she done anything..
try learning braille,
met other blind folks..
service dog...

find yourself a self-reliant blind person..
take them home...
if you can't make her 'see' what she's doing..
they will..
good luck..

Rika

[M.D. Holloway]

Last weekend I was playing kickball with the kids and as I was running for the ball my calf siezed up. Went to the doc friend (a Dad of a kid on our Sons FB team) and he did an exam in the stands - textbook muscle tear from teh achilles tendon. The pooling fo the blood forming edema and bruising combined with zero range of ankle motion and the location of the constant pain pretty much points to that.

With that said, Saturday night we got in around 11:30PM form a late football game. I woke up at 9:00 with her as mad at me as ever. I overslept. Not sure why any of us had to get up - all the chores were done, kids homework completed yeasterday, Scout meeting was at 3:00. She just thought that me being in bed was the worst thing sense the flu.

She goes on to start yelling at me calling me lazy and what not. Now I am a lot of things but lazy is not one of them. On top of that, she offers zero compassion concerning my leg. Now mind you, the day after I hurt it last week she wanted to go to the Texas State Fair. I complied and made sure I did not hold us up by my lack of mobility. I did use a cane which she kept teasing me about. (at the fair, you do get special treatment of your a gimp by the way!)

Again, she does this yak yak in front of the kids. I finally took the kids to the park. She stayed home and sulked.

[Schumi]

You're injured. She's injured. If she cannot give you a break of this s*** in your handicapped position now, if she can't have any empathy, any sense of correctness here-

then F her.

I was of the feeling like this should be resolved, and she's fixable.. but no. Not anymore.


I never asked- but when you two first met, what was she like? Before any of the eyesight problems, was there any notion that she was crazy? Because I'm thinking there had to be.

I feel a bit bad for your kids but you seem like a great father to them and they seem understanding as well. That gives me the impression that it will be OK...

[M.D. Holloway]

She was a bit of a "redhead" but when your young and gitt'n it - all seems good.

[berettafan]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

I finally took the kids to the park. She stayed home and sulked.

i think this makes a louder statement to her than staying home and arguing. it's what i think i'd have done.

[M.D. Holloway]

Forgot to mention - she also freaked on me about yelling at our Son's football game. He has been playing both ways for a great team. He has been doing really good. He had two games on Saturday 2PM and 9:30PM. He asked me to be on the sidelines with him so I kept stats. He also asked me to help remind him of certain things when he played - Stay low, dive for the opening, watch the sanp not the sound - stuff.

Mommy took severe exception becasue she said she could hear it clear to the other side of the filed and that the aprent sfrom the other team were commenting.

Now yes I do have a very loud voice. I am sure I could win a hog calling contest but I was never ever yelling anything harsh or mean to him - always direction or encouragement. Just something else for her to beef aboiut I guess.

BTW - They won both games and are in the playoffs. He lead the team in tackles the firsdt game and the second he opened up two wide holes for the touchdowns.

[berettafan]

for reference i've been told by my wife to ease up a bit on the excitement level at my sons soccer games.

i coached t-ball this year so i got a pass at those games

maybe it's a guy thing but 'assistant coaching' your son from the sidelines (within reason of course) is one of those things that makes being a dad pretty cool. not sure most women would understand this however.

perhaps if you tell her to think of it as badmouthing the other girls and their parents at cheerleading behind their backs she will understand how enjoyable this is for you.

[Rikao4]

should have left her..
give her something to really beotch about...
don't know how you do it..
I understand the why..I think..
but enough already...
playing defense 24/7 gets old..

Rika

[M.D. Holloway]

Just came back from the docs - have an appt with the orthped tomorrow. She saw this thing on my arm which I thought was a wart - turns out it isn't a wart. She was concerned enough to take a biopsy of it.

So I'm crippled, prolly have skin cancer and married to a blind mean fat women who hates me. At least I have my hootch...

[idontknow]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

blind mean fat women

No more Mormonism for you!

So long as you taught the kids how to pour you the hootch you should be alright.

[M.D. Holloway]

We are going to have a surprise b-day party for our youngest. I happen to invite a 4yr old whose parents we are friends with and she freaks. Now the poor little guy was adopted. His bio parents are both in jail. His adopted parents we have known for 5 yrs and are the salt of the earth. The little guy plays with our kids from time to time. I saw no harm in it but she flys off the handle saying that he will be running around bugging our daughter. So I have to listen to her tell me that by me doing this it is an indication that I do not respect her and that she can not trust me. OK, not sure of the connection there...

Last night I went to pick up our Son at a friends and there were other boys there. One of the boys lives two houses from us. His mom was on her way to pick him up - the mom of the boys houses they were at asked if I could take him home anyway cuz she had to go to a soccer game and didn't know when she was going to be there - "I really don't want to take him if D***** is on route to get Ca####." The mom doesn't know I would be bringing her sonm home nor did I have permission to do so. Case closed?

Nope.

My wife flys off the handle telling me I am a huge jerk (in front of the kids no less) for not bringing him home. I didn't have the OK to do so and I am not going to assume it is fine!

Needless to say she proceeds to dig into me to the point that she pushes at me that this whoele mess is my fault and that I am the reason things are a mess. she then proceeds to yell to the kids "Kids, daddys being mean to mommy again!" Which puts our little girl into a crying jag that lasts 15 minutes. Our Son just shakes his head and tells her to stop crying.

This morning she started in but I promised my lil one I would not raise a voice or talk to her if started in.

Really sad, we actually were having a pretty good week...

[Moses]

Buddy, I was admiring your resolve for a long time, but... life is too short for this crap.