After 21 years... she's leaving

[Crowbob]

Are you inspired, Lee? Inspired by love and life and laughter?

Is anyone out there at least minimally inspired?

Shall I continue? Do I need to further share these stories to total strangers, unseen and unmet, never to be known by me?

[winders]

LeeH,

Whether you are happy or sad, devastated or empowered, is your choice. You can choose to let this situation knock you down or you can choose to move forward. You can feel sorry for yourself or you can embrace the new reality. It really is as simple as you choosing. You are in complete control of how you look at things and how you feel about your life.

[john70t]

Originally Posted by foxpaws

Again, sui generis.

It's like he was instructed by the arm of the law in plain sight of all: "git in the back of the bus n*****".
An experience so obtuse it has to be systematic.
I believe national statistics support CB's version...

"Hatred" is one synonym for talking about one's experiences and pointing out injustices of law.

When a type of discrimination is so prevalent and the law so one-sided towards one party, it does egregious harm to not only one specific parent of a relationship but the children as well. The courts basically force children to grow up without a male father figure being present, and endangers them to the possible dangers of multiple future male suitors. It specifically and intentionally puts them in harms way.

How permanent and emotionally scarring can it be when children have no consistency in their lives and nothing dependable from the male perspective to rely upon? How does that effect their development and personality later on?

Plus, um, it goes back to that old saying "No taxation without representation".

[vash]

What's crow talking about?


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

[rusnak]

When I think back about girls that I've gone out with, I have some really crazy experiences. What really strikes me is that we always end up being friends later, and how profound the effect is of falling into and out of love. You think it's the end of the world until BAM!, you find another one.

[Crowbob]

Originally Posted by vash

What's crow talking about?


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

Cute.

Funny, but cute.

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by vash

What's crow talking about?


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

There are still some things to work through I guess...

[Crowbob]

Leave it a dispassionate hockey player to allow the reduction of life itself to an emoji, I say!

[Seahawk]

Here is my take.

Lee benefits from all perspectives: Whether his divorce becomes a knife fight or a reasonable stroll, Crowbob's Letter's From the Resistance are part of the matrix.

Again, Lee, you set the tone of this thread with a wonderfully heartfelt post. This entire thread is a testimony to that.

[Crowbob]

Being pronoid as opposed to paranoid, I see all things that happen as evidence of their being to my best benefit.

As such, even a simple emoji allows me to regurgitate further my meanderings of a failed life. So I continue with my tale.

I'll choose panic.

Panic descended upon me once, but briefly. Maybe more than once.

But this time, on our way to the beach one long ago summer. In that red truck we all stopped at 7-11. Attired only in her pink and purple swimsuit, my precious daughter escaped that truck whilst I shopped for an unhealthy mix of pop and chips and whatnots.

On my return, that truck was empty(!)

(The appropriate emoji goes here)

Then I heard her unmistakable crying. The first thing I saw, however, were silhouettes of perfectly-spaced, bright as blood and just as red, footprints of a child on the hot blacktop. They were perfectly spaced like bits of bread leading Gretel to the witches lair in the woods.

(Two emojis go here)

One foot only. The left, I think

As it turned out, my daughter and her older brother would not endure the heat inside that truck and took it upon themselves to go sit in the grass under that tree over there.

On their way, she stepped on a broken and jagged bottle severing an artery of her ankle to bleed appropriately therefrom.

Because the pressure of my hand and the quick tourniquet of towel stopped the flow, the blood quickly returned to my brain and she, two or three proud stitches later, was back to normal.

I, however, never did return to that blissful state of profound ignorance and paucity of vigilance I had previously enjoyed on our way to the beach that day.

[Crowbob]

I really have got to tend my garden. It can wait. To inspire young parents, beyond our kindly Lee, is the more important task, me thinks.

On this particular and recent day, the 13th of May last, a Friday, I was having some difficulty seeing the road ahead. Panic was still, but barely, contained on that highway that leads deep into enemy territory.

Being a Spartan, charging forthwith to Ann Arbor and to a particularly reknowned institution dedicated to the care of Women and Children, was unusual for me.

My daughter awaited me there having suggested I also put myself there forthwith ('If you want to' she said) after her learning that an interpretation of a prenatal ultrasound suggested the wombed child she was carrying was dealt a blow. No, a tetralogy of blows to his tiny heart first described by a man by the name of Fallot in the literature of pediatric cardiology.

It turned out happily to be a false but very alarming alarm.

Nevertheless, the newborn was brought to we few gathered there by the nurse who asked,'who wants to hold him'?

In the span of time similar to that it took Muhammad Ali to be in bed between the time he switched off the light but before the room went dark, I leapt.

As such, I became the first human in line to hold and embrace and love that dear and healthy child after his parents.

Like Science Officer Spock, I will wager with any wolverine, that that child's blood runs green!

[Crowbob]

Speaking of gardening which not at all peripherally, involves patience, I will further bore you all with more trite and meaningless drivel.

Patience.

Many harvest moons ago, my daughter and I engaged and locked ourselves in a negotiation. Were I to do something for her, she would do something for me in return.

Like what, I asked seasoned with skepticism.

A few minutes later. She presented but did not give to me small note upon which she had written:

I OWE YOU 3HRS OF GARDEN DUTY

She dodged my attempt to snatch the paper from her saying, 'Nuh uh uh, you need to do (such and such) first.

Which, of course, I did do.

At this very moment, believe it or not Fox, I am looking at that precious chit once again magneted to my refrigerator door right where it belongs after her hiding it and me finding it yet again after her last visit, unredeemed.

[vash]

Is this still about a divorce?


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

[larrydickman]

Originally Posted by larrydickman

Well, let me tell you. Long time member, first time caller. I know and have met many Pelicans and count you all among my close friends and confidants. I created a new account (I know, against forum policy, call the cops). I'm currently going through a divorce and this thread has been a God send. I couldn't contribute under my username since it is an ongoing process that will hopefully be over soon.

I've seen a few Pelicans go through this and had to change their ID (Odd Job Uno comes to mind, oh how I would love to hear his contributions to this thread). With social media you just never know what can bite you in the ass, hence my concern posting under my user name.

Anyway, I was the one who left. Years of putting up with negativity, sarcasm and general bytchyness finally got the best of me. No interactions socially (everyone was an a hole), she hasn't worked in 20 years (I tried getting her interested in something, all shot down in flames). I finally realized she was anti social, bi-polar and just a plain she devil.

No kids (thank God) so you would think the divorce would be a slam dunk. 2 homes owned outright, stocks, retirement, pretty much 'bucks up". I wanted to split down the middle, walk away and be done. Unfortunately a male Gloria Allred in a cheap suit got involved. Seems we were married 9 years 10 months. Now he is sucking money to the tune of $70k so far in lawyer fees trying for "Marvin Law" and she is supposably unable to work ever again and needs spousal support for who knows how long. My lawyer took one look at her at my deposition (in the words of widebody911 "I'd rather have my nuts pounded flat with a ball-peen hammer than go through that again") and first thing he said is "she's a bitter, angry woman".

Hopefully it will be resolved soon. I just want to know what my monthly "nut" will be so I can move on. I tried to be the nice guy and let her take care of some medical issues before she lost her insurance due to divorce. Boy, was that a mistake. A good friend offered me advice that I should have taken, "No matter how hard it hurts or how bad it is, whack it off at the knees, that's the only way".

This thread has helped rid me of some of the feelings of anger, remorse, guilt and failure that occurs so early in the game and you really need to step back and look at how positive your life has become once you kick that baggage to the curb.

And NFN nailed it, "I'm eating a hamburger on the couch and no one can say crap about it" or something to that effect. Freedom is a long needed breath of fresh air once you can inhale again.

Talked with my lawyer today about my progress hearing Wednesday. Apparently her lawyers have realized she's a bit of a whack job and would like to settle. Unfortunately she doesn't like the idea of it being deemed a "short term marriage" and only recieving spousal support for 4-5 years. We have requested a vocational evaluation to see exactly what her earnings potential is.

Here's the thing. Her Mom smokes like a chimney, has a bad ticker and is 76 y.o. When she passes the ex will get 6 rental properties that generate around $7k a month. I know, easy to live on but she's not satisfied with just that. She's bitter and angry, especially since I have moved on and am living with someone. Oh well, fingers crossed.

[rusnak]

These stories are giving me Cockerpunk disease - you know, when the "M" word gives you a reverse erection.

[Craig T]

Originally Posted by vash

Is this still about a divorce?


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

Vash, you know by now...All good threads that go long enough get to the same place (by the same people). It'll die now.

Hang in there Lee.

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by foxpaws

Lee - I have been reading this quietly remembering this from 'the other side' as it were.

Remember - just like people, no two divorces are alike - yours will be a unique journey. Try not to get sucked into all the hatred that is posted here. However, it looks as though your daughter will be by your side as well. I am sure you have a good support system, but a bit of therapy can go a long way - even two or three sessions can help.

And, believe it or not, at your daughter's age kids are much stronger than you might imagine. She will go through an entire process, hurt, anger, depression, acceptance, but sometimes it helps to allow them to help heal you. You, obviously will be part of her process of moving beyond this, but she can be a huge part of helping you move on, and if you involve her, it helps to empower her. She sounds like she is growing up to be an amazing young woman.

Good luck, and all the best.

OK so, tell us your side of the story. It would be interesting to get a woman's perspective.

[foxpaws]

I married a good man, had wonderful kids, was incredibly happy. I thought I was living this amazing dream come true. But, where my love grew over time, his did not... it became apparent that he was going through the motions, probably for the kids.

No one should be so unhappy in a relationship - I knew I would survive, and I knew we could carry on as friends and make sure our kids were raised in loving homes. I asked him if he wanted out, he looked so relieved.... We made it work. I never got alimony, and almost no support - I made at least what he did, and over time made more. Never asked for more money - saved it all for college... that was tough some days, lots of Goodwill clothes and spaghetti and sold a Porsche - but I made a promise to myself and my kids, I knew he wouldn't be able to help with college, so I made it work.

He is still a good man, great dad, he just isn't my best guy anymore.

It was a journey I never saw myself taking, but, everyone is happier, I would have been miserable living in a one-sided relationship, it was a rough road to begin with, but when it smoothed out, it had some pretty good sections.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

Being a Spartan..............

Heh heh. Let me know when you beat OSU. Like never.

[bivenator]

Mine is a long twisted journey that I will condense. I got off easy compared to my ex's next two husbands. One killed himself, and the other died under suspicious circumstances. The third after me, I think she is still married to but he fled to a small town in central Texas. She now lives with an ex con recently paroled for manslaughter.
She calls our daughter, who is now 26 during drinking binges to berate her for not coming to visit.
Good luck Lee, I am certain that you will recover from this blow.