My fiance is cheating on me and addicted to meth

[charleskieffner]

follow redbeards advice to the letter. follow my advice to the letter.

why becuz we have lived this hell. been there done dat not EVER AGAIN!

fuch me silly.........i will avoid this drama like a bullet to the head!

with age comes wiz-dumb..........grasshopper.

ditch the beeatch, hit the beach hotels NOW TODAY NOW and pick up some milf from stateside and wine and dine her and walk away.

[Geronimo '74]

Yes, this sucks, very much so. Swallow and move on, there is nothing else you can do.
1 bag of meth does not make her an addict though, If (!) it is hers, then she's a user. To use and to be addicted, two different things. I'm not saying she's not an addict, I'm saying you can't be sure after finding 1 bag. (I assume it is not a 10 pound bag...)

[Seahawk]

Some military specific advice:

- If you get the car back, request that the base drug dog (if there is one...there is on my Naval Air Station) sniff your car...explain why and do it before you drive the car on base. I have done this with every used car I have purchased while in the Navy.

- Request a urinalysis and take it.

- Meet with unit top NCO and ask him or her any further preventative steps you can take.

As a former naval officer who had a few tours as a commanding officer I recommend the above because your judgment is now in question by your chain of command...sorry, but you need to be proactive to regain their trust. As well, if you fly or work on anything that flies, please take a few days of leave...I'm surprised your unit has not recommended that yet.

Best of luck.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by charleskieffner

pick up some milf from stateside and wine and dine her and walk away.

There really is a lot of good advice in this thread.

[rammstein]

Done means done. She does not exist. Her family doesn't exist. Her friends don't exist.

We're really trying to help you- honestly. Even Todd, who is being brutally direct, is doing it for a reason. He has been there man, and is trying to do whatever it takes to get you straightened out.

Cut all ties. All of them.

[Tishabet]

Originally Posted by rammstein

done means done. She does not exist. Her family doesn't exist. Her friends don't exist.

We're really trying to help you- honestly. Even todd, who is being brutally direct, is doing it for a reason. He has been there man, and is trying to do whatever it takes to get you straightened out.

Cut all ties. All of them.

+1

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by Hebrewhomeboy

I'm not ignoring any of the advice. I have left her, all of her stuff is in boxes outside my place, I have called the cops on her for her drugs that I found and also reported her missing. I have even called her family to let them know what's going on. I will in no way, shape, or form take her back. I'm done with her. I just wanted to get her to go to rehab. However, she never called me back, so that's done, no rehab for her. I'm done with her.

Let's take this one line at a time. If you think I'm being harsh, wait until you're sucked into the vortex of co-dependent addict hell.

"I have left her"

no, she left you.

"all of her stuff is in boxes outside my place."

Why the hell are they anywhere near your place? That means she will come get them. Get them far away from your residence.

"I have called the cops on her for her drugs."

That indicates that you give a damn. Don't do it. You are trying to "fix" her.

"also reported her missing."

Which means you give a damn and are still involved with her. Don't do that again. You're staying in the spiral.

"I have even called her family to let them know what's going on."

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Don't contact her family again. They are likely enablers (she got this way for a reason) and will just further drag you down, though it won't be obvious to you at all.

"I'm done with her. I just wanted to get her to go to rehab."

As Rick pointed out, you're not done with her at all. You shouldn't want her to go anywhere. You need to not think about her at all.

Can you get transfered or redeployed? Seriously...being young and in the military could give you an advantage in that you might be able to just pick up and go somewhere else.

[GO DAWG GO]

100% Nostatic. If you are thinking about this episode anymore, that means you are still involved...Period. PURGE! Been here done this...Thought The hurt would never end until you meet someone else. I promise you will look back and be glad....

Good Luck!

Bob

[onewhippedpuppy]

Well said Todd. Why do I get the feeling he isn't listening?

[turbocarrera]

Originally Posted by svandamme

you gotta starve em a little, different story all together

Surely it's a fine line between being his master - or dinner.

hebrewboy, all ties to skankzilla must be cut immediately and forever. Followup on the milf suggestion - STAT! The easiest way to get over a woman is to get under another... something like that.

[mike monde]

There is some good, consistent advice here that if it is followed will get you headed in the right direction. I wonder if you truly want to move in the right direction? Reading your responses leaves me to believe that you are leaving a crack open for her return through "helping her"or "getting her help". I wonder if she showed up at your front door crying and asking for forgiveness then proceeded to f%^k your brains out, would you take her back? You know, so "you can help her" and all is forgiven. She didn't really mean to sleep with another guy because she was on meth and didn't have her head on straight. blah, blah, blah, justify her actions so that you can justify taking her back in your mind.

I grew up with a guy who acted the same way and as I'm reading this thread you appear to be the same type. Ended up taking this girl back numerous times and ended up being hurt over and over. After she slept with every guy that wasn't his friend and humiliated him day in and day out, she broke it off with him for some local junky. In the end, it seemed like he enjoyed the drama.
Some guys never seem to learn until it is ended for them.
So let me offer this advice,
Hebrewhomeboy!, SHE F%^KED ANOTHER GUY AND TAKING METH WHILE SHE WAS ENGAGED TO YOU!
What else do you need to know other then this girl isn't worth the time your wasting trying to figure it out.

Man-up and move on! If not, enjoy the pain that will surely be coming your way.

[widebody911]

I haven't caught up on every single post, but I have to ask: how did you miss the fact that she was using meth? Makes me wonder what else you missed.

[Heel n Toe]

He probably missed it because she was probably in the early stages of use.

IMO, HHB has been showing us a fairly good faith effort at trying to be done with her... the fine points of what everyone is telling him insofar as completely zeroing out contact with her family and friends will come.

I don't see there's any real danger of him taking her back, so we should probably chill a bit on beating him over the head with that.

That said, I hope he doesn't even consent to drive her to rehab.

That really, really should be on her or her family.

[rammstein]

I think we all just got freaked about his talking with her on the phone and wanting to take her to rehab. Those 2 things are a giant step in the wrong direction, and I think half of us want to just jump through the screen and shake him to his senses. He's WAY too nice a guy, unless he is a masochist, in which case he is right where he wants to be.

[targa911S]

Originally Posted by nostatic

Let's take this one line at a time. If you think I'm being harsh, wait until you're sucked into the vortex of co-dependent addict hell.

"I have left her"

no, she left you.

"all of her stuff is in boxes outside my place."

Why the hell are they anywhere near your place? That means she will come get them. Get them far away from your residence.

"I have called the cops on her for her drugs."

That indicates that you give a damn. Don't do it. You are trying to "fix" her.

"also reported her missing."

Which means you give a damn and are still involved with her. Don't do that again. You're staying in the spiral.

"I have even called her family to let them know what's going on."

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Don't contact her family again. They are likely enablers (she got this way for a reason) and will just further drag you down, though it won't be obvious to you at all.

"I'm done with her. I just wanted to get her to go to rehab."

As Rick pointed out, you're not done with her at all. You shouldn't want her to go anywhere. You need to not think about her at all.

Can you get transfered or redeployed? Seriously...being young and in the military could give you an advantage in that you might be able to just pick up and go somewhere else.

I could not agree more. 1000%. You still care. I know that is only human but buddy you gotta let this one go...for your own good. She will NEVER EVER do any good for you and she is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Let her parents Baker Act her, but LET IT GO!

[t951]

Run to her.
Hug her.
Hold her tight.

Ok, just kidding. Ditch the witch, listen to the wisdom here at the Pelican.
This will be a great story in 20 years, when you are with the woman you truly love, and truly loves you.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

Originally Posted by widebody911

I haven't caught up on every single post, but I have to ask: how did you miss the fact that she was using meth? Makes me wonder what else you missed.

Well, I found meth in her stuff. Her problem seems to be drugs in general, hard drugs, but it was meth that I found. She apparently had been sober up until this past Friday, when she finally relapsed. There literally were no warning signs.

Even after all of this stuff has happened, I do care. I can't help it, we have a history together and built so many good memories. It's hard, but I'm getting through this and I'm getting over her.

I just went in and took a urinalysis. I also explained my plan to my 1SG. You can call me what you will, but right now I simply don't have the strength to just instantly cut her off 100%, even after all of this. So I'm going to get a few hours of sleep and call her and tell her that the Army is going to arrest me if I have any further contact with her(which isn't true, but she won't know the difference). I'll have her get her stuff. I'll call a police officer so the missing person report can be canceled. If they found enough drugs in the bag I gave them, then she will probably be arrested right then and there. If not, then I'll sign over the title of the car to her, and ensure the registration is signed over to her also, so I will be completely free of the car. I honestly don't have room for two cars right now anyways lol. Then I'll have her load up her stuff in the car, and I will NEVER see her again. I'll give her one day to make some arrangements and I'll turn her phone off. I have a list of rehab places and helplines, and I'll give her that. That will be the last I ever see or hear from her. I really don't care about losing the car, by the way. It's a $300 beater.

I know some of you are thinking I'm being a chump or whatever, and I don't blame you. I'm not doing it in the best of ways, but at least I am getting rid of her. I actually just got off the phone with her (she called as I'm typing this) and I told her all of the above, so the ball is rolling. I'm getting rid of her, and with the help and support of my friends and family I'm finding the strength to do all this. It's getting easier every time I talk about it. I'm going to get some much needed sleep now. I'll post again when I have an update, I'll keep you all up with what's going on. Today should be the end of everything.

I really wish there was a way to save her. She used to be such a wonderful person. I thought she was still that person. Apparently too much of that person is gone, and she's someone else now. The sad, sad truth is that she's probably beyond saving. She's beyond my help, that's for sure. If she wants to fix her life, then she can. If not, well it's not my problem anymore. She's not going to mess up my life. I have too much going for me.

[911boost]

In the end it is your life. The people giving advice are just trying to watch out for you, and many of them ahave learned from personal experience, as I have.

Do what you need to do, but understand that she will be back. Until you completely cut yourself off, move, etc., this is a problem you are going to have to deal with, and being wishy washy will only make the hurt last longer.

[Heel n Toe]

HHB, does she have keys to your place?

If so, change the locks.

Don't accept keys back from her... she may have had copies made.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

We had the lock changed, so she can't get in. I won't be able to move now, but perhaps in a paycheck or so I can swing it.

And BSiple, you're right. It is my life, and the people on here have given me all good and proper advice. I'm taking it the best I can. As I said earlier, you all might think I'm a chump, and I won't blame you, but at least I am cutting her off. Permanently. All of her stuff is gone, all of her photos are gone, everything I have of hers is gone. I work this weekend, which will be good. I'll be around friends, and their support will help. Right now I'm still just really broken up, and sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding myself together. But in the end, it's my life and I won't let her destroy it.