Starting Over - Dating when you're 60

[Danimal16]

Originally Posted by Skytrooper

Guys, I am sorry to hear about the impending divorces. I have no advice. I have no experience in this matter. My parents divorced when I was young. They both pushed their agendas on us kids. It was a bitter divorce and custody hearings. I made it my personal vow to not get divorced. Obviously that is a fools errand as the other half has to "buy into" that ideology also. So far, so good.
If things did go south....my dog is all I need fir companionship. Being in my 60's, I just do not have the will to go through all the work.

I hope everything goes well for you and I wish you luck.

Matt, I had a similar situation. The financial side was rough enough but the betrayal was one of the worst things I ever experienced.

That said, I wish you two guys going through this the best. You will grieve your past live, and that, IMHO, is natural and perfect. As for me, like many have stated, I don't see marriage in my future. I have female friends and truly enjoy their company, but for the most part I am a hardcore bachelor.
One thing that is true, was for about two years my motto was the only creature I would date was a golden retriever. I ended up with a Lab and have never looked back.

[72doug2,2S]

The rule is 1/2 your age plus 7.
She must like your music.
She must like your jokes.
She must submit to your decisions

[sc_rufctr]

Nothing much to ad except that this is your time.

Being kind to yourself is not selfish.
"If a lady is interested she'll let you know". Women have always been the arbitrators when it comes to romantic relationships.
That may sound obvious but guys often forget this.

(What may be perceived as shallow but here goes anyway...)
- Considering your age, look for a lady that's early 40s at the most. I don't want to go into details but trust me on this.

Lastly, don't be in a hurry. She's out there. All you have to do is make it easy for her to find you so get out there and meet some new people.

Also don't be surprised if turns out that you already know her.
- In general, women who are interested in a man will often only show that interest when that man becomes "available".

Note I didn't mention online dating. It can be a good way to meet people but you need thick skin and that can be mentally exhausting. Give it a try but don't set your expectations high. There are lots of damaged, lazy, stupid and generally dumb people looking to solve their many complex problems online.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by 3rd_gear_Ted

How about also figuring out why your "buddy" is leaving you.
OP really doesn't have anything to offer, damaged goods in total denial.
Good luck on that 2nd date

Are you out of your mind?

Why would you post something so callous?

Advise us all on where to buy your book on how to be awesome. I just threw up in my mouth.

Eff you, Slick.

[A930Rocket]

Sorry to hear this, guys. Lots of great advice.

At 64, if I get divorced, I’ll have no problem being single.

[Rot 911]

My dating advice: wear tight jeans with a sock stuffed down the front. Chicks dig that. If you need any more dating tips, just let me know.

OK, just one more tip, but after that I’m charging: don’t forget to wear your Members Only jacket.

[billybek]

Do NOT wear pants with elastic waistbands while out on a date!
That's all I got...
Sorry to hear about the wheels coming off your relationships, gentlemen.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Sorry to hear about the divorces. I was single from my early 40s to early 50s. I had married young, had two kids, married 20 years, then she sort of pulled the plug. It was ok. Based on what she revealed, I was glad it was over. I sowed the wild oats in my 40's I should have sowed in my teens and 20's.

Having all of your teeth, a decent job and a good outlook is all you need. What I found was that many women assume you are all but engaged after a few dates. Many in that age group are pretty desperate to settle down. I was introduced to my wife of 7 years now by mutual friends after lots of match.com dates and a few relationships that ultimately didn't last. If something were to happen to my wife at this point (I'll be 60 next month) I'd never marry again. I love my wife to death, but I know she's a needle in a haystack after several years being single. I wouldn't take a chance again.

For the guys marrying much younger women. It seems great when you are 50/60 and she is 30 or whatever. It sucks later. I've seen it with a few of my buddies Dad's. As they got old, the women got bitter and their lives were misery. Nope. My wife is 7 years older, could pass for 50. That works perfect for me.

If I were you, I'd focus on something besides dating for a bit. But I get it. If your marriage has been more of a roommate situation for a while. Not saying it was. There is an urge to explore what is out there. Be well.

[gsxrken]

I also can only share that I'm sorry to hear some of you have to deal with this. "There, but for the grace of God, go I" applies here for me. I'm very fortunate that my wife of 25+ years never turned into someone I don't recognize, but I know some do and then there's not much you can do unilaterally. No big decisions for a year sounds like it makes a ton of sense. That and eat well, lift weights, and get enough sleep. That's always good advice anyway. You have my sympathy.

[craigster59]

Originally Posted by Rot 911

My dating advice: wear tight jeans with a sock stuffed down the front...

And never in the back. Boy, did I find that out the hard way.

[Paul_Heery]

This year, I tried online dating after I had not been on the dating scene for 44 years. Would it be an understatement to say some things have changed?

My re-entry into dating has to do with Rule Number Four.
Let me explain. Before my late wife passed while she was battling cancer, she gave my four rules to live by after she was gone. She actually gave me three rules first and then introduced me to Rule Four about a year later.

Rules one through three were easy to adhere to.
Rule one was to stop working so hard. So, I retired.
Rules two and three went hand in hand. Meet new people and have fun.
I've been traveling both internationally and domestic. Plus, I found a new love of storytelling attending over 30 events in the last 10 months.
I have made many new acquaintances and friends through those activities.

Satisfying rule four has been a bit more problematic.
When we knew the the end would be coming soon, my wife said to me, "The luckiest day of my life was the day that I met you. After I am gone, I want you to make someone else as lucky as I am".
Being the smart ass that I am, I responded with "does that mean I can get lucky too?"
Without hesitation, she said "That's exactly what I mean, you blockhead".

After she passed, I found myself looking for someone to get lucky with for the first time in 44 years.
In a bereavement support group, I shared the rules. I think that most people were not expecting to hear about what I was faced with. Afterwards, one of the members gave me a subscription to a free three month membership to OKStupid. It took me a while to use it. But, when I did it was astonishing.
I had been warned about scams and bots, so I was careful about all interactions.

But, let me tell you about the first encounter that I had that led to an in-person meetup.
A woman, let's call her Cathy, liked me. I reviewed her profile and was intrigued. She was the same age as me, single and in her photos she was very attractive. She followed up with messaging me through the app. I responded and we had some online interactions for the next couple of days.

To eliminate the possibility that she was actually named Boris I asked her if we could speak. She said OK so I sent her my google voice number and told her to block her outgoing caller ID to protect her privacy. She called me rather quickly.

We spoke and seemed to be hitting it off. During that first call, she said that she had Googled me and really couldn't find anything. She said that she was protective about her online persona as well and essentially challenged me to find out more about her.
We wrapped up the call by arranging to meet for coffee in two days.

I had been given a challenge to find out more about Cathy. I had three things to go on. I knew her first name, her town and her occupation but not where she worked.
It took me about 10 minutes to determine exactly where she lived, her last name, her age, and her marital status including the name of her husband.

I still wanted to meet with her to see what else she was lying about.
On the day of our meeting, in walked a woman who was absolutely gorgeous. Her online profile pictures were up to date. She looked really good for someone who was 76 years old. 12 years older than her online profile.

It didn't take her long to admit to everything that she had lied about. She went on to say that she had a sexual addiction. She was on several apps and Ashley Madison was her favorite. I thanked her for her honesty. Told her that it was enticing, but it wasn't what I was looking for.

I had a couple of other encounters, but I have given up on online dating.
Rule number four is still not satisfied. But, it remains on my to do list.

[jcommin]

Originally Posted by Chocaholic

Perhaps I’m missing something or just out of touch but…wouldn’t it be better to wait until you’re no longer married to be going down this road?

Choc is spot on. I was separated at the age of 55 and my divorce was final at 59. I was married for 24 years. After 4 years of separation, I thought I weas ready to start dating - I was wrong. There are allot of raw emotions once this is final and you will need time to grieve. And if you think you are ready, you won't be.

I had no interest in dating anyone - there was no f'ing way I wanted to enter a relationship and let anyone in. I had allot of debt from the divorce (IRS, credit cards), I was almost financially ruined and my youngest son had allot of issues. I needed time to take care of me and that was tuff.

Today, I am out of a very deep financial hole, debt free, my youngest is doing well and my family is fine. I'm in a better spot. I have been dating a woman for 4 years. Both of us were afraid of getting involved. We started as friends and it evolved into a relationship. I would never thought this would happen but I met the right person.


Don't rush into anything - good luck with your divorce.

[Chocaholic]

Originally Posted by craigster59

And never in the back. Boy, did I find that out the hard way.

Damn you Craig. Coffee all over my keyboard!

[Norm K]

Originally Posted by craigster59

And never in the back. Boy, did I find that out the hard way.

Pun intended, I hope.

_

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by Paul_Heery

Satisfying rule four has been a bit more problematic.
When we knew the the end would be coming soon, my wife said to me, "The luckiest day of my life was the day that I met you. After I am gone, I want you to make someone else as lucky as I am".
Being the smart ass that I am, I responded with "does that mean I can get lucky too?"
Without hesitation, she said "That's exactly what I mean, you blockhead".

.

You sir are indeed one lucky bastage. That one quip tells me that your marriage was indeed a match for the ages.

[Norm K]

Originally Posted by 72doug2,2S

She must submit to your decisions

Rather than PARF this up, I'll just say ... wow!

_

[VINMAN]

Originally Posted by 3rd_gear_Ted

How about also figuring out why your "buddy" is leaving you.
OP really doesn't have anything to offer, damaged goods in total denial.
Good luck on that 2nd date

Originally Posted by Bob Kontak

Are you out of your mind?

Why would you post something so callous?

Advise us all on where to buy your book on how to be awesome. I just threw up in my mouth.

Eff you, Slick.

Yep, agree 100 percent!

Nominee for douchiest post of the year.

.

[911 Rod]

I think the hardest part is ever trusting someone again.

[Rusty Heap]

As the OP,

THANK YOU ALL for your thoughts, ideas, suggestions, and experiences,

[fintstone]

I would suggest you avoid online dating sites altogether. There are older women everywhere that are almost desperately looking for a male friend/romantic interest. All one needs to do is the things they normally do and they will find you. It will be hard to do so...but be very, very picky. From what I have seen, many newly single men have been treated so badly or are so lonely that they sleep with and marry the first reasonably attractive woman that is nice to them.

All you have to do is get out and do things where there are people in the desired age group/sex. The natural competition (among women) for the rare unaccompanied, self-sufficient man is fierce and many will put on quite an act to land you if you are relatively healthy and financially secure. Many are terrified of living/dying alone. It is best to know them outside of dating/sex for at least a little while so you really know them. Odds are that many of them are exactly like the one you separated from...and just left someone else for similar reasons and the single life was just not what they envisioned. Take your time and kick the tires/get a PPI.