After 21 years... she's leaving

[recycled sixtie]

I must confess that after I split up from my first wife that I took up with another woman within a few weeks. She became my second wife about three years later. I have no regrets as we are very compatible.

I think you are doing great Lee and it sounds like you have a good attitude.

Just a quick quote from Facebook that I read the other day. Note to wife "thanks for not killing me while I sleep at night". I modify it to "thanks for not killing me".

[wayner]

When this thread started, I thought, wow, that's rough. I couldn't imagine how something so good could go so bad.

As of tonight I rediscovered this thread...as I sit here eating mall food...wondering if mall security will have my truck towed while I am fast asleep in it tonight...add my name to the tally sheet...25 years...crap...

[Rick Lee]

That sucks, Wayner. Mojo sent.

Lee, I got behind your wife walking onto an escalator at the airport a few weeks ago. It was totally empty, so there was no avoiding eye contact as we approached from opposite directions, but I don't think she recognized me. I don't think we've seen each other since we went shooting many years ago. Still, it made me think of this thread and I sort of wanted to ask her how things were going, but thought better of it and pretended we were strangers.

[john70t]

gd wayner. There is nowhere else to go?
How the...?

[vash]

damn guys. super sorry.

i hope the dust settles fast for everyone.

[kevin930t]

Holey crap,its not easy at first,i surrounded myself with good friends and things that made me happy..

Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk

[kevin930t]

Like hookers.Haha

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[Rtrorkt]

Lee, I'm in Phoenix, actually Scottsdale. Beer on me

[pavulon]

These are tough times Wayner. It gets easier eventually but the early days are really, really tough. Lots of people have gone through it. More will. Nobody comes out unchanged. Like the velvetine rabbit, it's the scars that make people real.

[LeeH]

Originally Posted by Rtrorkt

Lee, I'm in Phoenix, actually Scottsdale. Beer on me

Thanks for the offer! What part of Scottsdale? I was planning on staying in tonight as I have a headache... pretty rare for me.

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

That sucks, Wayner. Mojo sent.

Lee, I got behind your wife walking onto an escalator at the airport a few weeks ago. It was totally empty, so there was no avoiding eye contact as we approached from opposite directions, but I don't think she recognized me. I don't think we've seen each other since we went shooting many years ago. Still, it made me think of this thread and I sort of wanted to ask her how things were going, but thought better of it and pretended we were strangers.

Rick - We're really on great terms. Wouldn't worry about having a chat with her if you cross paths again.

Originally Posted by wayner

When this thread started, I thought, wow, that's rough. I couldn't imagine how something so good could go so bad.

As of tonight I rediscovered this thread...as I sit here eating mall food...wondering if mall security will have my truck towed while I am fast asleep in it tonight...add my name to the tally sheet...25 years...crap...

Dang! Sorry to hear. Break ups of long lasting marriages are a growing trend. At the advice of my brother, I went on Meet Up right after she left. I tripped across a divorce support group that was meeting at a restaurant 10 minutes away that very evening. I argued with myself for a long time before I finally made the trip to the car and drove over. BEST thing I could have done. The group really got me through the hard part via support, camaraderie, and a whole bunch of new friends who'd already been where I was and where I was going. Cool thing is that I know I have made lifelong friends from the group. We get together for hikes, dinners, etc. Divorce is rarely a topic of conversation unless someone just needs to vent.

[sammyg2]

There's nothing I can say or do to make it easier so I won't try.
But I do believe that things will work out for you and the hurt will be replaced by happiness.
I just can't say when. Until then try to look at it like a learning or growing experience.

Maybe you had to go through this before things could get better than ever you.

[Oh Haha]

Damn Wayner, sorry to hear this.

[john70t]

I'm one year separated from the ex and couldn't be happier. Out from under a 10 year slide which I didn't realize was even happening. This frog jumped from the pot. In business and in relationships there are assets and there are liabilities.

Her dog was trying to tell me the truth all along: The more I fed and walked and loved on him the more he tried to bite the crap out of me.

To live in fear each and every day is no way to live at all. Say something the wrong way or try to do something nice and it was boom there she goes again. I could have tossed her belongings out on the front lawn but did the honorable thing instead. I made sure she was financially secure, paid off her car again, get her a w/d, moved, set up, and helped her in every way. In return she tried to screw me over every opportunity. Just like before. Yeah, and then she wanted back in later on..

I now feel 100% morally vindicated in my past beliefs and actions. That feeling is like a warm glow within me every single day. Internally and permanent. Not external and temporary. It is the constant pat of acknowledgment and freedom and an eternal spring of inspiration. I did the right thing. My hands are clean. The world is an oyster again. The more pain I felt back then, the easier it is to appreciate life now. She really did me a favor.
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/lights_of_euphoria/true_life.html?_escaped_fragment_=#!

One year from now you will feel so much better Wayner. You'll see.
Hang in there for now buddy.

[Don Ro]

Originally Posted by LeeH

At the advice of my brother, I went on Meet Up right after she left. I tripped across a divorce support group that was meeting at a restaurant 10 minutes away that very evening. I argued with myself for a long time before I finally made the trip to the car and drove over. BEST thing I could have done. The group really got me through the hard part via support, camaraderie, and a whole bunch of new friends who'd already been where I was and where I was going. Cool thing is that I know I have made lifelong friends from the group. We get together for hikes, dinners, etc. Divorce is rarely a topic of conversation unless someone just needs to vent.

Good for you to muster the energy to go.
Nature takes care of seekers...you've been rewarded.

I was engaged 20 yrs. ago. My fiance had an affair. Initially, I fell off the floor...the pain, the fear, the loss, etc.
It turned out to be the #1 defining moment in my life...among many others down on the list.
That event laid the ground work and defined my maturation.
.

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by wayner

When this thread started, I thought, wow, that's rough. I couldn't imagine how something so good could go so bad.

As of tonight I rediscovered this thread...as I sit here eating mall food...wondering if mall security will have my truck towed while I am fast asleep in it tonight...add my name to the tally sheet...25 years...crap...

For what it's worth... Look after yourself. Things will get better.

[2porscheguy]

Wayner, I have nothing to add ...but hang in there! As usual there's also lots of great advice here for ya'!

[911boost]

There is nothing like living in a hotel in the same town as your house.

Been there Wayner, keep your head up.

[Baz]

[recycled sixtie]

PM sent Wayne.

[sand_man]

I really feel for anyone going through this. BTDT, as mentioned elsewhere in this thread!

We initially tried the "married living separately" thing in the same house (for the benefit of the kids); I moved into the guest room. She constantly talked schitt about me to her family and friends...making sure I could hear her conversations. That house was ice cold! Unbearable! When I started looking for an apartment, she found out about it, packed my clothes into garbage bags, and threw me out...this all unfolded in front of my kids. She was actually getting physical during that confrontation; yelling, pushing, slapping! I had to go. For the next two weeks, I pretty much lived all over the place (including my car) until an apartment became available. Those were dark times.

I have long since moved on, but I remember some of those events so vividly. I wonder, does a person ever really get past it? Even being in a a healthy long-term relationship now, I occasionally feel haunted.